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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for joining us for a special episode of the

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<v Speaker 1>parent Data Podcast. A few weeks ago, I asked on

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<v Speaker 1>Instagram if you guys had any questions that were not

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<v Speaker 1>about parenting but about me, and I feel a little

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<v Speaker 1>awkward asking that, but you did have some really interesting

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<v Speaker 1>questions and so.

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<v Speaker 2>We're going to try to answer some of them.

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<v Speaker 1>And I have asked Alex, who works with me, to

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<v Speaker 1>ask the questions so you don't just hear me answering

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<v Speaker 1>them and we'll.

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<v Speaker 2>See how it goes. So thanks for hanging out with

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<v Speaker 2>me and doing this. Alex, glad to be here. Let's

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<v Speaker 2>do it.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's do this, Okay. So we're going to start with

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<v Speaker 3>a warm up, some shorter, easier questions. Maybe the first

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<v Speaker 3>question is what's your zodiac sign?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, I don't. I think it's Aquarius. I'm not really

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<v Speaker 1>into this. I'm always going to confuse with my birthstone,

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<v Speaker 1>which is amethyst, but I'm gonna I think it's Aquarius.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay.

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<v Speaker 3>The second question is how far is a typical morning run?

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<v Speaker 2>It varies.

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<v Speaker 1>I would say on a sort of normal aerobic run day,

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<v Speaker 1>like a five to six miles. Sometimes I do a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit of a longer workout and then usually once

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<v Speaker 1>on the weekends, I do a longer run, like depending

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<v Speaker 1>on what kind of thing I'm training for or something like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, ten to thirteen miles.

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<v Speaker 3>What would you do with a day all to yourself?

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<v Speaker 1>You know, we've occasionally had those, like if my kids

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<v Speaker 1>are gone, like with their grandparents, And the answer.

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<v Speaker 2>Is basically exactly the same thing that I do.

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<v Speaker 1>Otherwise, I would like get up and eat breakfast at

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<v Speaker 1>exactly the same time, and then go to work at

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<v Speaker 1>the same time and eat dinner at the same time.

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<v Speaker 1>I maybe if they were gone more, I would adapt

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<v Speaker 1>to my day, but I think basically I would just

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<v Speaker 1>do the same day that I have already.

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<v Speaker 2>That's so boring.

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<v Speaker 3>What's your favorite item from Trader Joe's.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, my favorite item from Trader Joe's.

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<v Speaker 1>There are these little chocolate covered bond bonds which are

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<v Speaker 1>like cookie on the bottom and then there's ice cream

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<v Speaker 1>and then they're covered in chocolate. It's like a tie

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<v Speaker 1>between between that and these like individual apple pie things,

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<v Speaker 1>which in graduate school I used to eat so many

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<v Speaker 1>of and then I had to stop because it was

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<v Speaker 1>just got out of control.

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<v Speaker 2>But those are just absolutely delicious.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, what's your go to mindless TV show.

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<v Speaker 2>I love the Great British Baking Show.

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<v Speaker 1>And then maybe one of the one of the Real Housewives.

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<v Speaker 3>What's your favorite vacation destination with kids and without?

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<v Speaker 1>So probably it's the same. So we go visit our

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<v Speaker 1>friends in France. Pretty we try to go every year

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<v Speaker 1>if we can, and that is my sort of favorite

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<v Speaker 1>go to place because it's very relaxing and I know

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<v Speaker 1>it and I think my goal on vacation these days

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<v Speaker 1>is just to sleep awesome.

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<v Speaker 3>All right, last warm up question, what's your skincare routine?

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<v Speaker 1>So I use Sea to Fill fashwash from the drug store,

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<v Speaker 1>and I use cet to Phille with SBA fifteen moisturizer

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<v Speaker 1>on my face and that's it. And I own very

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<v Speaker 1>occasionally wear makeup, but not very often.

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<v Speaker 2>It's kind of boring, but it works amazing. It's not

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<v Speaker 2>that amazing. I would say, it's kind of like like,

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<v Speaker 2>is there a secret.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, there's no, I don't know if it's

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<v Speaker 1>a good if it's a good routine or not a

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<v Speaker 1>good routine.

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<v Speaker 2>It's very easy. So that's it for warm up questions.

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<v Speaker 2>Like you said, people sent in a lot of different questions.

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<v Speaker 3>I kind of categorize them into different things like marriage

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<v Speaker 3>and career, and I think for today we're going to

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<v Speaker 3>focus on one or two of those.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm ready.

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<v Speaker 3>We're going to start with your marriage. So first of all,

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<v Speaker 3>just who are you married to.

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<v Speaker 2>My husband's name is Jesse Shapiro. He is an economist

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<v Speaker 2>who works at Harvard.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, how did you and Jesse meet? So?

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<v Speaker 1>Jesse and I met in college, so we had a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of mutual friends, and so we had sort of

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<v Speaker 1>heard of each other, and we also both worked as

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<v Speaker 1>research assistants for the same economist. And so one day

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<v Speaker 1>I was having dinner with that economist his name is

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<v Speaker 1>Chris at Adam's house, which is like a it was

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<v Speaker 1>like a dorm, and that turned out to be the

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<v Speaker 1>dorm that Jesse lived in. And so when we were

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<v Speaker 1>we were like waiting for someone else to join us

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<v Speaker 1>for dinner. Jesse came along and he because he knew Chris,

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<v Speaker 1>he said, oh, like hi, and Chris said, oh, this

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<v Speaker 1>is Emily. Do you want to, like, you know, do

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<v Speaker 1>you want to join us for dinner? And so he did,

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<v Speaker 1>and so we had dinner together, and because.

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<v Speaker 2>We sort of knew who each other were, we like

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>We kind of had had some stuff in common anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>so I don't really remember what happened at that dinner.

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<v Speaker 1>But then the next day we were both taking exams.

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<v Speaker 1>So I was taking an exam in a class called

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<v Speaker 1>Images of Alexander the Great, which was a class that

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<v Speaker 1>I had to take to fulfill some like requirement in

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<v Speaker 1>the Litton Arts see core curriculum. And so it was

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<v Speaker 1>like a class where you looked at images of Alexander

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<v Speaker 1>the Great, and Jesse was taking like graduate he was saying,

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<v Speaker 1>like a graduate macroeconomics class anyway, So we both had

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<v Speaker 1>exams at the same time, and then somebody came into

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<v Speaker 1>my exam room and said that they had a bomb.

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<v Speaker 1>They did not turn out to have a bomb, but

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<v Speaker 1>it was like actually quite scary, and we all sort

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<v Speaker 1>of like ran away, and then they evacuated all the

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<v Speaker 1>other buildings. So I ended up outside with like no

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<v Speaker 1>jacket or gloves or anything because I had like run

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<v Speaker 1>away from this, you know, fake bomb. And Jesse was

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<v Speaker 1>outside and he had all this stuff because he had

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<v Speaker 1>been like sort of evacuated in a more casual manner,

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<v Speaker 1>and so he we ran into each other and we

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<v Speaker 1>started talking, and then he loaned me his gloves, which

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<v Speaker 1>was very nice. And then I stupidly gave his gloves back,

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<v Speaker 1>which got rid of the most obvious excuse to see

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<v Speaker 1>him again.

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<v Speaker 2>But then when I got back to my dorm room,

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<v Speaker 2>I wrote to him and said thank you for the gloves,

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<v Speaker 2>and then we went out.

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<v Speaker 1>And that was.

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<v Speaker 2>Twenty two years ago, and that was kind of it.

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<v Speaker 3>Do your kids know that story with the bolam and everything.

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<v Speaker 1>I think we've told them that story before. Yeah, I

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<v Speaker 1>think we've told them that story before. There was a

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<v Speaker 1>period of time when they were very interested in how

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<v Speaker 1>we met and how we get married and stuff, and

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<v Speaker 1>then they kind of like Los Angeles.

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<v Speaker 3>All right, that was my own question, full transparency, all right,

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<v Speaker 3>back to reader questions. How do you describe your husband

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<v Speaker 3>and your relationship to your friends?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so one thing I will say is most of

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<v Speaker 1>my friends kind of know my husband pretty well, and

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<v Speaker 1>so I'm not sure they need my description. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>Jesse is very practical. He's a very practical person. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>he's a very practical person. Maybe that's the right word.

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<v Speaker 3>And how do you describe your relationship?

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I think our relationship is is very I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>I think is very good. We have a very a

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<v Speaker 1>very nice relationship, and I think it is it is

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<v Speaker 1>actually sort of well captured by some of the stuff

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<v Speaker 1>that that I write about. You know, I think we

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<v Speaker 1>do a pretty good job separating like the kind of

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<v Speaker 1>business of trying to run our household, the kind of

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<v Speaker 1>practical nature of that from you know, the fact that

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<v Speaker 1>we really like each other and like to spend time together.

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<v Speaker 2>And and I.

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<v Speaker 1>Think that's a balance we've come to over time, is

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<v Speaker 1>being able to like, you know, like exchange professional emails

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<v Speaker 1>about logistics while simultaneously like maintaining weekly date nights and like.

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<v Speaker 2>Having a nice time together.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's and that sort of it's been a hard

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<v Speaker 1>one over time, but I think it works right now.

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<v Speaker 2>It works really well.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I think one thing I will like, one

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<v Speaker 1>very specific thing is like often after we have a discussion,

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<v Speaker 1>like we will write somebody will write a follow up

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<v Speaker 1>email that's like just to rehab the items that we

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<v Speaker 1>covered in this discussion will be like a little bull

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<v Speaker 1>appointed list. I think a lot of people find that

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<v Speaker 1>to be kind of weird. That really that really works

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<v Speaker 1>for us.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't find that weird. My husband and I I

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<v Speaker 3>think fell in love through spreadsheets.

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<v Speaker 2>So.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think you need you need two people who

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<v Speaker 1>like spreadsheets and bulleted lists.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, but it's nice.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, how did parenthood change your marriage?

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<v Speaker 2>So I think.

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<v Speaker 1>Almost anybody finds the beginning of parenting very challenging, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>particularly the beginning of parenting with a first kid, because.

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<v Speaker 2>There's this problem that.

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<v Speaker 1>You have to solve that you have never tried to

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<v Speaker 1>solve before, like how do we It's a series of problems,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's like the broad problem is like how do

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<v Speaker 1>we raise this kid? The individual problems are things like

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<v Speaker 1>why isn't it sleeping? And why doesn't it eat? Uh?

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<v Speaker 2>And what's is it so cranky? And doesn't need a hat?

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<v Speaker 1>Or you know whatever, these small pieces, but it's like

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<v Speaker 1>something that you both care enormously about and also.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't have any idea what you're doing.

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<v Speaker 1>And so I think, like everyone, the first year, I

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<v Speaker 1>sort of remember the first year of my daughter's life

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<v Speaker 1>having sort of more conflict than usual because we're just

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<v Speaker 1>trying to figure it out, and like we didn't always

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<v Speaker 1>you know, we didn't always agree, and there were a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of things where we were unable to have prepped

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<v Speaker 1>for or unable to have worked out like how we

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<v Speaker 1>were going to navigate questions where we were unsure. I

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<v Speaker 1>think that when the kids got older, when sort of

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<v Speaker 1>we had a second kid and the first kid got older,

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<v Speaker 1>we kind of worked that stuff out.

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<v Speaker 2>We worked that stuff out better.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I you know, I think our lives now

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<v Speaker 1>really revolve around being parents, and it is we try

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<v Speaker 1>very hard to like separate out the relationship from that.

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<v Speaker 1>But you know, ultimately, I think almost everybody who has kids,

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<v Speaker 1>actually perhaps even more so when the kids are like

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<v Speaker 1>in this kind of school age, there's a lot of logistics,

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<v Speaker 1>and it can be very easy to sort of exclusively

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<v Speaker 1>do like logistics, and there's a challenge in you know,

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<v Speaker 1>making sure that like you find time to talk about

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<v Speaker 1>things that are not just literally like who needs to

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<v Speaker 1>purchase which kinds of Christmas presents for different people at

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<v Speaker 1>the school this week, which you know does occupy quite

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of December I find, But I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>Overall, I would say I would say.

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<v Speaker 1>We are a much stronger team now than we were

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<v Speaker 1>before kids, that we have a much clearer shared goal,

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<v Speaker 1>a much clearer shared agenda for what we're trying to

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<v Speaker 1>accomplish and that's that's probably the biggest change.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, how do you and your husband divide housework?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so I should I should start by caveating and

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<v Speaker 1>saying that we have a lot of help. Uh So,

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<v Speaker 1>we have a really amazing nanny who does a fair

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<v Speaker 1>amount of house stuff, and we have people clean.

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<v Speaker 2>We do a lot of outsourcing.

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<v Speaker 1>This is probably part of a longer conversation about like

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<v Speaker 1>how things work in my house.

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<v Speaker 2>But but.

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<v Speaker 1>There are things, of course that are left, and you know,

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<v Speaker 1>we try to divide them like somewhat evenly. Uh So,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I cook dinner and he cleans up from dinner.

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<v Speaker 1>He does a lot of things that I.

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<v Speaker 2>Do not that I'm incapable of doing.

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<v Speaker 1>So to give you a very specific example, I'm basically

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<v Speaker 1>afraid of using the phone.

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<v Speaker 2>Like I don't like calling people. Like I can do it,

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<v Speaker 2>but I don't.

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<v Speaker 1>It makes me like irrationally, I'm just like a rationally

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<v Speaker 1>afraid of calling people on the phone. So if my

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<v Speaker 1>job were like call the people who are supposed to

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<v Speaker 1>pick up the trash because like sometimes they miss the trash,

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<v Speaker 1>I just won't do that. Like I'm just like I

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<v Speaker 1>just am afraid to like pick up the phone and

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<v Speaker 1>call people. I don't know, it's like probably there's something

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<v Speaker 1>in therapy there. Let's like put it aside. So he

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<v Speaker 1>does basically everything that involves any kind of phone calls

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<v Speaker 1>to anyone, which is actually a fair amount of things.

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<v Speaker 1>And he also manages like all the stuff that has

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<v Speaker 1>to do with the house. So if you own a house,

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<v Speaker 1>things constantly break, it would seem. And so he does

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<v Speaker 1>like all that stuff. And then I do like much

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<v Speaker 1>more of the like manage the you know, buying the

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<v Speaker 1>gifts for the teachers, and making sure that we've like

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<v Speaker 1>signed up for different things at school, and and sort

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<v Speaker 1>of doctor's appointments in those kinds of logistics. So I

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<v Speaker 1>think we've sort of gotten to a place where we

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<v Speaker 1>try to separate them into things that are like where

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<v Speaker 1>somebody has a comparative a comparative advantage.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, it doesn't.

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<v Speaker 1>Always doesn't always even out, but I would say, like

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<v Speaker 1>on the whole, on the whole, it's pretty good. And

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<v Speaker 1>we have both gotten very much in the in the

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<v Speaker 1>realm of like when it feels like we are doing

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<v Speaker 1>more of that stuff than is kind of when we're

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<v Speaker 1>like overdoing it. To sort of stop and say like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>what can we do to make this easier? Is there

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<v Speaker 1>some way to make this task like less something we

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<v Speaker 1>need to to do?

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<v Speaker 2>So? I don't know, it's a balance. There's a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of stuff to do. So is next question?

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, I guess you could say that you andrew

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<v Speaker 3>husband are both data experts, right.

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<v Speaker 2>One might say that yeah, I one might say that yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>So the question is what are fights like between husband

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<v Speaker 3>and wife data experts?

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<v Speaker 1>I we don't really fight wow now, like we never,

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<v Speaker 1>but we don't fight about data?

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<v Speaker 2>Not quite how to how did this describe this? Like?

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<v Speaker 1>Were? So here's what I would say. There are things

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<v Speaker 1>where we wonder, like what is the right thing to do?

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<v Speaker 1>Where the question is amenable to data, but we both

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<v Speaker 1>come into that in the same with the same almost

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<v Speaker 1>like somewhat dispassionate approach, and so it is not the

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<v Speaker 1>kind of thing that we would fight about because the

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<v Speaker 1>answer is just like, okay, well we have to go

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<v Speaker 1>find out what that you know, what is the evidence

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<v Speaker 1>about that? So it's not like it takes a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of the emotional temperature out of something to have this shared.

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<v Speaker 2>Way to approach to approach questions.

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<v Speaker 1>So when there are things we argue about, they're just

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<v Speaker 1>like not things that have anything to do with with data.

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<v Speaker 1>They're like more things about about parenting. Although we don't argue,

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<v Speaker 1>we don't argue in general very much.

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<v Speaker 3>And the last question Jen we got about you and

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<v Speaker 3>Jesse is what do you like to do on date nights?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, So, our our date night, which is very regular,

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<v Speaker 1>we try very hard to have date every week, mostly

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<v Speaker 1>involves going to dinner. I think that we have a

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<v Speaker 1>very high taste for walking places, eating dinner relatively quickly,

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<v Speaker 1>and then walking home. So that's sort of like the

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<v Speaker 1>ideal date night is when you get to walk to dinner,

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<v Speaker 1>that dinner happens pretty quickly, and then you get to

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<v Speaker 1>go home and go to sleep relatively early. We are

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<v Speaker 1>not like people who like to go out and stay

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<v Speaker 1>out late. But I like a good you know, glass

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<v Speaker 1>of wine and dinner and a long walk before and after.

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<v Speaker 1>That's kind of my that's like my happy place. So

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<v Speaker 1>we've gotten to a good, good routine and doing.

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<v Speaker 3>That that sounds wonderful. There are actually some people who

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<v Speaker 3>live in Providence that were wondering your favorite dinner spot

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<v Speaker 3>and Providence.

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<v Speaker 1>So we go to we go to Parkside a lot,

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<v Speaker 1>which is like very simple, but the food is good.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like down on Main Street, and I really there's

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<v Speaker 1>a there's a tap us place called Palo also in

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<v Speaker 1>in that kind of area, which I also like very much.

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<v Speaker 2>There's a lot of very good food in Providence. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't think we're as adventurous as as one might be.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, there were so many more questions for you, and

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<v Speaker 3>I think we're going to leave it here for today

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<v Speaker 3>and hopefully if people like this, will do it again.

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<v Speaker 3>But let's give a little sneak peek to a future episode.

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<v Speaker 3>And I'm going to ask you probably the number one

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<v Speaker 3>question the people sent in, which is some version of

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<v Speaker 3>how do you manage it all?

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<v Speaker 2>The answer to that question is.

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<v Speaker 1>With periods of panic, not always as easily as it

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<v Speaker 1>would seem on social media, and that I have a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of help, and I have a lot of help

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<v Speaker 1>both in the kind of newsletter stuff that I'm producing,

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<v Speaker 1>some of which is from you, thank you, Alex.

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<v Speaker 2>But also a lot of help at home. We have

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<v Speaker 2>a really really.

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<v Speaker 1>Really good nanny who makes things kind of function function

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<v Speaker 1>a lot at home, and Jesse, who we spent a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of this time talking about is also extremely supportive

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<v Speaker 1>and helpful, and so sometimes I worried that it looks

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<v Speaker 1>like I'm doing all of these things like pretty much

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<v Speaker 1>on my own, and that's just really not not true.

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<v Speaker 2>So the answer is just just like a lot of help.

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<v Speaker 3>Basically, great, Well, thank you so much for answering all

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<v Speaker 3>the ease and being so open. I learned some things

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<v Speaker 3>about you, and I'm sure people are gonna love learning

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<v Speaker 3>about you.

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<v Speaker 2>Do well. Thank you for your help on this, Alex.

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<v Speaker 2>I'll talk to you perhaps next time. Thanks for listening.

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<v Speaker 1>If you like what you heard, subscribe to parent Data

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<v Speaker 1>in your favorite podcast app and rate and review the

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<v Speaker 1>show in Apple Podcasts.

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<v Speaker 2>You can subscribe to the.

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<v Speaker 1>Whole newsletter for free at www dot parentdata dot org.

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<v Speaker 2>Talk to you soon.