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<v Speaker 1>I'm Emily Ost.

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<v Speaker 2>This is parent Data and today, well, today is a

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<v Speaker 2>special day.

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<v Speaker 3>Today is our potiversary pod Anniversary Podiversary, let's go with that.

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<v Speaker 3>We relaunched the new and improved parent Data podcast a

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<v Speaker 3>year ago.

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<v Speaker 4>Hey, Emily, Emily, Emily, Emily.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm Emily Oster and today parent Data the podcast. I'll

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<v Speaker 3>be interviewing experts to parse out fact from anecdote, causality

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<v Speaker 3>from correlation.

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<v Speaker 2>And it has been a great year.

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<v Speaker 3>We have had some incredibly smart educational guests.

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<v Speaker 5>Once you realize that we have to have unpaid labor

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<v Speaker 5>done by women for society to function, you start to

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<v Speaker 5>understand everything that surrounds it.

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<v Speaker 6>Talking about sex is not correlated with a bad sex life.

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<v Speaker 7>Talking about sex is correlated with a spectacular, magnificent, optimal

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<v Speaker 7>sexual experience.

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<v Speaker 8>One of the criticisms of this developmental story that we're

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<v Speaker 8>talking about here is, oh, so you're blaming the boys.

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<v Speaker 8>Actually the opposite, that the education system has inadvertently kind

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<v Speaker 8>of defaulted to more of the kind of female standard.

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<v Speaker 3>Could you please tell me how to solve my baby?

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<v Speaker 9>Well, salting and swaddling were part of an idea that

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<v Speaker 9>helpsway for quite a while that a baby would not

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<v Speaker 9>acquire human form unless it was imposed on that baby.

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<v Speaker 3>We've had fun late night panic Googles. Hello, Mandy Moore,

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<v Speaker 3>Hello has Reclined, Hello Abby, Philip, Jackie Ashray.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you for joining me. Hello Emily as And here's

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<v Speaker 2>what I've learned.

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<v Speaker 3>It's hard to interview other people, but it's also really fun,

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<v Speaker 3>and it's a really interesting way to get more intimate

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<v Speaker 3>and to really connect with people who are going through

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<v Speaker 3>the same things that I'm going through or different things,

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<v Speaker 3>and where our shared experiences come out more than I

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<v Speaker 3>I would sometimes expect. So today we're going to see

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<v Speaker 3>how much I actually learned and how much I already know.

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<v Speaker 3>If you follow my Instagram at Pratt Family ask, you're

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<v Speaker 3>familiar with my Wednesday q and as. On those I

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<v Speaker 3>post a question box. People ask their questions and I

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<v Speaker 3>choose which one to answer. People sometimes ask me how

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<v Speaker 3>do I choose? And I try to choose things that

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<v Speaker 3>are entertaining or interesting or if everyone is already asking them.

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<v Speaker 3>So in the last couple of weeks we asked you

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<v Speaker 3>for your questions, and today I've got some answers and

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<v Speaker 3>some help.

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<v Speaker 2>I've invited my producer tomorrow to give me a hand.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi tomorrow, Hi Emily, So how are we doing this?

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<v Speaker 6>Okay, So, as you said, we solicited questions from all

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<v Speaker 6>over the place from your readers, your listeners, your Instagram followers.

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<v Speaker 6>Not unexpectedly, they really delivered. So I have taken the

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<v Speaker 6>questions that I think I've to borrow your model and

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<v Speaker 6>pick the ones that are interesting and different and actually

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<v Speaker 6>very common.

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<v Speaker 3>Follow the part of the model where I pick the

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<v Speaker 3>ones I know the answers to.

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<v Speaker 6>Well, that's the thing about somebody else picking them for you,

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<v Speaker 6>So put a pin in that for a second. Okay,

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<v Speaker 6>I've organized them by theme and I'm going to play

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<v Speaker 6>them for you, and you are going to answer them

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<v Speaker 6>in real time. So I can't stress this enough. You

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<v Speaker 6>have not heard these questions before. This is not going

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<v Speaker 6>to be like the magic of audio editing. This is

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<v Speaker 6>real life. This is what you do. Help is available, though,

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<v Speaker 6>so in true who wants to be a millionaire fashion?

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<v Speaker 6>We have a couple different options for any help that

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<v Speaker 6>you may need. We have searched the Internet and of

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<v Speaker 6>course not Google, but actually like you know, diving in yeah,

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<v Speaker 6>parent data Dewey, diving into those you know, Ivy League

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<v Speaker 6>economist research papers, that will help give you the answer.

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<v Speaker 2>That's not where I'm looking for help.

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<v Speaker 6>But okay, you can phone a friend and you can

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<v Speaker 6>pull the audience, so that will be some members of

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<v Speaker 6>your parent data team who might be able to help

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<v Speaker 6>out with answers that might be a little bit maybe

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<v Speaker 6>more anecdotal, but enough, you know, enough anecdotes become data.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not how it works, but okay, I like the idea.

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<v Speaker 2>I like the concept.

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<v Speaker 6>You can only pick each one once, so you have

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<v Speaker 6>to be strategic.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, this seems hard. Okay, I'm ready, You're ready. Okay,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm ready.

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<v Speaker 6>Ish, all right, let's get started. Let's do it after

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<v Speaker 6>the break. So the first category is pregnancy and birth.

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<v Speaker 6>So let's start with the first question.

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<v Speaker 10>Hi, Emily, I am currently twenty one weeks pregnant and

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<v Speaker 10>I live in Canada.

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<v Speaker 11>Access to great health care, very lucky for that.

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<v Speaker 2>I live in a big city.

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<v Speaker 10>One thing that I'm just really noticing and have a

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<v Speaker 10>question about, is how far the pendulum really has swung,

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<v Speaker 10>you know, toward non intervention you know, quote unquote natural

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<v Speaker 10>birth or just non intervention birth. And look, it really

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<v Speaker 10>just to seem that the system has built in assumptions

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<v Speaker 10>now that nobody that everyone is trying to avoid interventions,

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<v Speaker 10>be it avoiding pain meds, be it avoiding induction, avoiding

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<v Speaker 10>sea section, all of the above. I'm wondering where it

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<v Speaker 10>comes from that like this assumption is so strong, and

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<v Speaker 10>if there is like.

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<v Speaker 2>A data basis. I know that there are obviously like risks.

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<v Speaker 10>Inherent and sy sections specifically, but just a bit of

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<v Speaker 10>h I'm trying to understand why my care providers seem

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<v Speaker 10>to just really assume at every turn that, like everything

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<v Speaker 10>that I'm going to prefer is to avoid interventions at

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<v Speaker 10>all costs. Frankly, I just want to have my baby

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<v Speaker 10>out safely, So I don't have any opinion about not

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<v Speaker 10>having a c section or having one if it's the

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<v Speaker 10>right thing being induced.

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<v Speaker 2>And I certainly would like payments.

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<v Speaker 10>So trying to understand this system that we're in a

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<v Speaker 10>little bit better, thank you.

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<v Speaker 3>So I think this question I would really separate in

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<v Speaker 3>a couple of different parts.

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<v Speaker 2>So one kind of intervention we would talk about.

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<v Speaker 3>Is a C section, and there are of course very

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<v Speaker 3>good reasons for a c section, and it can be

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<v Speaker 3>very life saving, but it's also true that that is

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<v Speaker 3>not the default method of birth. That most providers are

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<v Speaker 3>hoping for because the recovery is more significant, because that

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<v Speaker 3>is a major abnominal surgery and for most people it

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<v Speaker 3>is more likely to lead to complications if you want

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<v Speaker 3>a later child, you know again, sort of super safe,

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<v Speaker 3>not something to worry about, but also something we're not

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<v Speaker 3>hoping will be the default, which is why most providers

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<v Speaker 3>will not offer an electacy section unless there is a

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<v Speaker 3>reason to do that. I would pull out that as

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<v Speaker 3>sort of separate from the question of pain medication and

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<v Speaker 3>to some extent induction, where I do feel like we

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<v Speaker 3>have sometimes gotten into this idea of late that you know,

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<v Speaker 3>less is better that we would all be ideal if

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<v Speaker 3>we were like giving birth you know, alone under a tree,

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<v Speaker 3>like with no.

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<v Speaker 6>Help and pulling the baby out yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, certainly that's not what we'd recommend.

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<v Speaker 3>But if you look at something like an epidaural and

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<v Speaker 3>you ask, you know, are there any doubts significant downsides

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<v Speaker 3>to pain relief, like absolutely those are. That is a

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<v Speaker 3>very safe and effective method of pain relief with tremendous benefits,

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<v Speaker 3>namely that it's quite painful to have a baby.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think this is you know again, like if you.

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<v Speaker 3>Asked why are people well, why do people talk about

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<v Speaker 3>this like it would be better to not do anything.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not really sure.

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<v Speaker 3>I think it's part of this general culture of like

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<v Speaker 3>the more suffering we have as parents, the better. And

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<v Speaker 3>it's again one of the things I would say, you

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<v Speaker 3>have to decide what we should have. We should be

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<v Speaker 3>open to people deciding whatever space they want. You want

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<v Speaker 3>an induction, do you want a an epidural?

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<v Speaker 2>Do not want those things?

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<v Speaker 3>I think very reasonable people could choose both, and but

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<v Speaker 3>I do I would separate that from the C section question.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I think too. I found going through my own

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<v Speaker 6>pregnancies that it's something that feels like it should be

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<v Speaker 6>very natural, and right off the bat feels like it's

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<v Speaker 6>it becomes medicalized. You know, as soon as you as

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<v Speaker 6>soon as you find out you're pregnant, you book a

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<v Speaker 6>doctor's appointment, and it's like one thing after another where

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<v Speaker 6>you're continually putting, your putting something that you know, your

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<v Speaker 6>quote unquote your body is built to do in the

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<v Speaker 6>hands of doctors. And I think that there is this

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<v Speaker 6>trend now to kind of take the medicalization out, but

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<v Speaker 6>it does seem like a trend.

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<v Speaker 3>It's interesting, is part of what I like about midwif

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<v Speaker 3>frey care, which has grown in the US. And when

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<v Speaker 3>you talk about that in the context for the US,

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<v Speaker 3>people think about home birds, but actually most midwift berths.

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<v Speaker 2>Are are in hospitals.

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<v Speaker 3>But there is a model associated with with midwif.

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<v Speaker 2>Frey care different from from you know, care with.

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<v Speaker 3>An ob where it is a little bit more kind

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<v Speaker 3>of coming at it from the default idea of like,

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<v Speaker 3>this is something that you know, where it like is

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<v Speaker 3>expected that that is a normal part of a thing

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<v Speaker 3>that happens in life, and and that of course there

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<v Speaker 3>are reasons why we might need medical intervention at a

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<v Speaker 3>more serious level, but that the default is kind of

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<v Speaker 3>you are going to your body is sort of going

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<v Speaker 3>to do this, and that talking to midwives about this,

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<v Speaker 3>it's it. You will get a picture that's somewhere in

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<v Speaker 3>the middle, I would say, which I kind of like.

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<v Speaker 12>Okay, So speaking of c sections, Hi, my name is

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<v Speaker 12>Kristen and my question is related to trying to conceive

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<v Speaker 12>over forty This would be a fifth scheduled C section,

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<v Speaker 12>and I've been told I have a thin uterus already

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<v Speaker 12>due to the priority sections.

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<v Speaker 1>So I was wondering the concern.

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<v Speaker 12>Once you go beyond four s sections obviously, this being

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<v Speaker 12>the fifth and the thin uterus combined, and the age

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<v Speaker 12>of forty four as well.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you for any advice. Bye.

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<v Speaker 2>Mar think we're gonna I think we're gonna phone a

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<v Speaker 2>friend on this. Yeah, let's call Nate.

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<v Speaker 6>Okay, So this is doctor Nate Fox obg y n

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<v Speaker 6>friend of the podcast and your co author for the Unexpected,

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<v Speaker 6>and we've got them queued up.

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<v Speaker 11>Hi.

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<v Speaker 13>Hello, Emily, how you doing, Nate?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm calling you.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm phoning a friend on this because you're a doctor

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<v Speaker 3>and I.

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<v Speaker 2>Trust you and I think you're the best doctor.

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<v Speaker 13>Oh God, that's so nice.

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<v Speaker 2>Can you help answer this person's question?

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<v Speaker 13>I'm sure, anything for a friend.

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<v Speaker 2>So what's the answer?

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<v Speaker 13>So, yeah, great question. It's a long answer for her specifically,

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<v Speaker 13>and this is something I usually see people and talk

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<v Speaker 13>to them for at least an hour about. But in

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<v Speaker 13>terms of the high points of the question, it seems

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<v Speaker 13>to be there's three. Number one is getting pregnant over

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<v Speaker 13>the age of forty Number two is getting pregnant with

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<v Speaker 13>having four prior caesareans, and number three getting pregnant with

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<v Speaker 13>having a thin lower uterine segments or a thin wall.

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<v Speaker 13>The uterus and so high level in terms of getting

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<v Speaker 13>pregnant after forty. You know, I definitely do not discourage

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<v Speaker 13>people from getting pregnant after forty. I encourage it. But

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<v Speaker 13>there are some things that can sometimes be challenging for people.

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<v Speaker 13>The likeli of infertility goes up, the likely of miscarriage

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<v Speaker 13>goes up. But assuming that doesn't happen, either you get

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<v Speaker 13>pregnant on your own, or you do IVF and you

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<v Speaker 13>get pregnant and there's no miscarriage, the pregnancy itself tends

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<v Speaker 13>to go well. There's an increased risk of some complications

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<v Speaker 13>at the end of pregnancy, like preclamsy or justestational diabetes,

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<v Speaker 13>and that's something where I typically would watch someone closer

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<v Speaker 13>for those things, but again, most of the complications tend

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<v Speaker 13>to be on the front end of pregnancy. One of

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<v Speaker 13>the complications that not complications, but one of the things

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<v Speaker 13>that's more likely as you get older is the risk

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<v Speaker 13>of caesarean, which is true for anyone who's getting pregnant

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<v Speaker 13>over forty, but certainly for your follower specifically who's already

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<v Speaker 13>had four C sections. So that's number two. So getting

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<v Speaker 13>pregnate after four sea sections does not tend to be

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<v Speaker 13>an issue again with getting pregnant or the pregnancy itself.

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<v Speaker 13>That's really just related to delivery because you're going to

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<v Speaker 13>need a sea section for your fifth delivery. As far

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<v Speaker 13>as we know, it's not safe to labor after four

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<v Speaker 13>prior sea sections, and so you're going to have to

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<v Speaker 13>be scheduled for a sea section, and then there's some

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<v Speaker 13>questions about the timing of it, when should that be done,

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<v Speaker 13>sort of is it going to be complicated is it not?

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<v Speaker 13>And one of the biggest variables on that is whether

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<v Speaker 13>you end up having a placenta previa or not, where

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<v Speaker 13>the placenta covers the cervix, which seems to be pure luck.

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<v Speaker 13>It's about a five percent chance. And if you are

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<v Speaker 13>someone who has four prior sea sections and you also

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<v Speaker 13>coincidentally have a percenta previa, then there's a very high

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<v Speaker 13>chance of something called percenta a creta where the placenta

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<v Speaker 13>gets stuck to the uterus and likely you would need

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<v Speaker 13>a hysterectomy at the time of delivery. So that's a

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<v Speaker 13>conversation that needs to be had for anyone who's getting

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<v Speaker 13>pregnant with several prior sea sections, that this is a

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<v Speaker 13>possibility for you. Doesn't mean it'll happen, obviously, but that

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<v Speaker 13>is a possibility. The third thing, which is more unique,

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<v Speaker 13>and this is something we're seeing more and more of nowadays,

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<v Speaker 13>is this idea of a thin lower part of the uterus.

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<v Speaker 13>So what is that. Basically, when we do a sea section,

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<v Speaker 13>we open the uterus and then we close it obviously,

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<v Speaker 13>and that scar and the uterus has to heal and

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<v Speaker 13>then if you look at it an ultrasound or you

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<v Speaker 13>look at it maybe the time of the next sea section,

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<v Speaker 13>that scar could heal and the muscle can be very thick,

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<v Speaker 13>like it healed perfectly. It looks like a normal muscle,

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<v Speaker 13>or sometimes it heals, but it's very very thin, and

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<v Speaker 13>there isn't a lot of sort of muscle attached to

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<v Speaker 13>the other part of the muscle anymore. So it's not

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<v Speaker 13>that it's open, it's not that it's ruptured, but it

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<v Speaker 13>just seems to be thin. And there's two concerns with that.

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<v Speaker 13>One concern is that if you have that and you're

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<v Speaker 13>pregnant and you go into labor, you have a higher

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<v Speaker 13>risk potentially of that thin lower segment rupturing as opposed

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<v Speaker 13>to if it were nice and thick, which just makes

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<v Speaker 13>sense to people for the physics of it. So that's

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<v Speaker 13>one problem. And so when people do have a history

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<v Speaker 13>of a thin lower uterine segment, we tend to deliver

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<v Speaker 13>them earlier because we don't want them to go into labor.

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<v Speaker 13>So instead of delivering them let's say thirty nine weeks

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<v Speaker 13>or thirty eight, sometimes we do it at thirty seven

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<v Speaker 13>or thirty six, prior to them going into labor. The

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<v Speaker 13>second issue potentially with a thin lower uterine segment is

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<v Speaker 13>if the pregnancy early on implants in that scar where

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<v Speaker 13>the where it's supposed to be a nice thick muscle,

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<v Speaker 13>but instead it's thin in this sort of like an

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<v Speaker 13>area that's chewed out. We sometimes call that a niche

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<v Speaker 13>and icche. If the pregnancy happens to implant in there,

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<v Speaker 13>that could be a very very dangerous pregnancy. So ultimately,

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<v Speaker 13>to go back to the original question, if I were

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<v Speaker 13>to meet with someone who's over forty and has four

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<v Speaker 13>prior sections and has a thin lower segment, it does

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<v Speaker 13>not mean I would tell the person not to get pregnant.

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<v Speaker 13>There are some who would. There's definitely doctors who say,

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<v Speaker 13>you know, enough is enough, no more babies. Don't get

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<v Speaker 13>pregnant too high risk. That's not how I typically address these.

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<v Speaker 13>As you go over each of these individually, try to

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<v Speaker 13>personalize it and individualize and just explain what are the risks,

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<v Speaker 13>what are the things we're looking for, and how might

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<v Speaker 13>we follow for those?

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<v Speaker 2>Best of luck. That's a good.

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<v Speaker 1>Answer, Nate, Wow, great answer.

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<v Speaker 6>Okay, So with that we say goodbye to doctor Nate

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<v Speaker 6>and hello to the next question.

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<v Speaker 14>Hey, Emily Oster, I've got a question for you. Is

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<v Speaker 14>it okay to take melatonin? What pregnant to combat that

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<v Speaker 14>pesky pregnancy insomnia? The internet is a posed because of

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<v Speaker 14>the lack of data, but my pregnancy app says I

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<v Speaker 14>can and I have horrible insomnia.

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<v Speaker 1>Let me know.

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<v Speaker 3>So this falls in the category of things during pregnancy

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<v Speaker 3>where I wish we had better data and we don't,

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<v Speaker 3>because it absolutely is the case that many people have

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<v Speaker 3>insomnia during pregnancy, and melatonin is a naturally occurring hormone,

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<v Speaker 3>so it's not it would not be crazy to imagine

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<v Speaker 3>that this was safe, and indeed we have a reasonable

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<v Speaker 3>amount of reassuring evidence, and in fact, there are actually

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<v Speaker 3>some complications in pregnancy which are associated with problematic melatonin.

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<v Speaker 3>So actually some people have suggested that supplementation with melatonin

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<v Speaker 3>might actually improve some things like preterm birth or preclamsya.

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<v Speaker 3>That's not something that has shown up in the trials yet,

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<v Speaker 3>but that could be true in theory. But we also

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<v Speaker 3>know that melatonin is transmitted to the fetus melatonin from supplements, melatonin.

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<v Speaker 2>Then occurs naturally.

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<v Speaker 3>And it's like you land in this complicated space, which

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<v Speaker 3>is basically like, there's no absolutely no reason to think

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<v Speaker 3>that we would be concerned, but also nothing where you

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<v Speaker 3>can say, here's a large randomized trial that is like

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<v Speaker 3>going to prove to you that there's no possible issue.

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<v Speaker 3>Many people do take low doses of melatone and during

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<v Speaker 3>pregnancy if there were significant risks, we would obviously know

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<v Speaker 3>about that. And so that is that for me, I

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<v Speaker 3>think is pretty reassuring. And you know, sleep is sleep is.

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<v Speaker 2>Important for your health.

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<v Speaker 3>But I mean, I guess my more general point here

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<v Speaker 3>is like, sometimes the reason for conflicting advice is that

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<v Speaker 3>the answer is like, we don't have perfect evidence, and

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<v Speaker 3>so the conflict is how do you read the limited

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<v Speaker 3>evidence that we have, not that people have different evidence,

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<v Speaker 3>And that's probably useful to keep in mind when you

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<v Speaker 3>read these conflicting recommendations.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I read a thing that said that your baby

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<v Speaker 6>will sleep better if you've taken melotone and during pregnancy.

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<v Speaker 6>So that's that's reason enough for me.

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<v Speaker 2>Definitely no evidence of that too, you know.

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<v Speaker 6>Oh well, oh well, you got to cling to what.

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<v Speaker 2>You can give.

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<v Speaker 3>It's a bourbon too, you know that that's a no,

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<v Speaker 3>don't do that.

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<v Speaker 6>A little bourbon sp Okay, well, you just mentioned preclamsia,

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<v Speaker 6>so let's click on the next question.

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<v Speaker 11>Hi, my name is Abby.

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<v Speaker 15>I'm thirty years old, and I had my first baby

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<v Speaker 15>in June, and it was a little bit eventful. I

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<v Speaker 15>lost about twelve hundred secies of blood after delivery, and

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<v Speaker 15>then I also developed postpartum preclampsia about four days after

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<v Speaker 15>getting home.

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<v Speaker 11>And I have two sisters.

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<v Speaker 15>One of them experienced postpartum hemorrhage and another one experienced

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<v Speaker 15>pre clamsia and pre term birth.

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<v Speaker 11>And so my question is, what.

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<v Speaker 15>Is the likelihood of either or both of these events

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<v Speaker 15>happening again in a future pregnancy and a future birth.

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<v Speaker 11>Should I be worried about getting pregnant again?

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<v Speaker 15>My doctors think it's fine if I just wait a year,

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<v Speaker 15>but I'd love to know what the day that says,

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<v Speaker 15>thank you so much.

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<v Speaker 3>So for preclamcy in particular, we can we have a

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<v Speaker 3>fair amount of very good data on recurrence risk because

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<v Speaker 3>it's actually a fairly common complication and it's not that

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<v Speaker 3>hard in the data to learn about the risk of

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<v Speaker 3>recurrence of something like that, because you can use these

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<v Speaker 3>like very large data sets from Europe.

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<v Speaker 2>Where you can see link people over over time.

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<v Speaker 3>So what we see out of that is that the

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<v Speaker 3>recurrence risk varies quite a lot based on when the

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<v Speaker 3>preclamsia appeared, and so if your preclamsia appeared early in pregnancy,

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<v Speaker 3>which is often associated with pre term birth, the recurrence

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<v Speaker 3>risk is very high. As it gets later in pregnancy,

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<v Speaker 3>we get to lower recurrence risks. So people who develop

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<v Speaker 3>preclamsia at term or in this case after term, the

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<v Speaker 3>recurrence risk is only in the range of ten percent,

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<v Speaker 3>so higher than the chance that you would have it

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<v Speaker 3>kind of at baseline, but not certainly not one hundred percent,

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<v Speaker 3>and still actually fairly low.

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<v Speaker 2>Preclamsia is also something.

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<v Speaker 3>Where we have some treatment options. In particular, dosing with

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<v Speaker 3>baby aspirin is actually quite effective at reducing the risk

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<v Speaker 3>of pre eclamsia, So surely that is an intervention your

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<v Speaker 3>doctor would encourage in a second pregnancy. And because you

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<v Speaker 3>know about this risk, and because it was post birth,

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00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:25.960
<v Speaker 3>it's something where the monitoring would likely be much better

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<v Speaker 3>in a later pregnancy. So there's a lot of reasons

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<v Speaker 3>to think that the experience of this might be both

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<v Speaker 3>there's a lower risk than you would have had before

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00:21:35.160 --> 00:21:37.199
<v Speaker 3>and that the experience would be different because you know

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00:21:37.280 --> 00:21:42.679
<v Speaker 3>it's a risk for postpartum hemorrhage. Again, some of the

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<v Speaker 3>reasons for that are things which could recur, but it's

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<v Speaker 3>also true that it's not anywhere near like one hundred percent,

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00:21:50.240 --> 00:21:54.320
<v Speaker 3>And in fact, because there are again are treatments higher

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<v Speaker 3>doses of potocin after a birth that can lock up

399
00:21:59.320 --> 00:22:02.920
<v Speaker 3>the uterus that's not a technical term, but can can

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00:22:03.080 --> 00:22:06.639
<v Speaker 3>sort of reduce the risk of bleeding. That's something that

401
00:22:06.680 --> 00:22:08.520
<v Speaker 3>they can do that they probably didn't know to do before,

402
00:22:08.520 --> 00:22:08.880
<v Speaker 3>but they.

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00:22:08.760 --> 00:22:11.080
<v Speaker 2>Would know to do in a repeat pregnancy.

404
00:22:11.119 --> 00:22:12.840
<v Speaker 3>So I think the short answer is, like, you're going

405
00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:14.639
<v Speaker 3>to want to be careful about all these things in

406
00:22:14.640 --> 00:22:17.359
<v Speaker 3>a leader pregnancy, but there's tremendous reason to think that

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00:22:17.400 --> 00:22:20.719
<v Speaker 3>the outcome would be better in a second time around.

408
00:22:21.320 --> 00:22:24.919
<v Speaker 6>It's amazing how psychological it is. You have one pregnancy

409
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<v Speaker 6>and you think the next one is just going to

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<v Speaker 6>be exactly the same, because that's how you know pregnancy

411
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<v Speaker 6>to be, and then any change is just it's an earthquake.

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<v Speaker 6>An earthquake, although I guess in this case it would

413
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<v Speaker 6>be a that would be a great pod. Yeah it's sunshine. Okay,

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<v Speaker 6>this next question is tailor made for you, not for me,

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<v Speaker 6>but for you.

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<v Speaker 16>Several months ago I registered for a marathon. It's in December,

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<v Speaker 16>but since then I have found out that I'm pregnant.

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<v Speaker 16>I'll be about six months pregnant at the time of

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<v Speaker 16>the marathon. I just started training a few weeks ago,

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<v Speaker 16>and I'm all so getting towards the end of my

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<v Speaker 16>first trimester. I've been more exhausted this trimester than I

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<v Speaker 16>think I've ever been in my entire life, probably because

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<v Speaker 16>I also have a toddler at home and starting to

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<v Speaker 16>train has just made me even more tired. Will it

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<v Speaker 16>get better in the second trimester? With my first It did,

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<v Speaker 16>But it's hard to see the light at the ends

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<v Speaker 16>of the tunnel at the moment, and I want to

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<v Speaker 16>know if this is doable or if running a marathon

429
00:23:29.840 --> 00:23:32.680
<v Speaker 16>it's six months pregnant is the dumbest thing you've ever heard.

430
00:23:33.600 --> 00:23:37.280
<v Speaker 3>Definitely, not that it's I don't I belleve support this,

431
00:23:37.640 --> 00:23:42.040
<v Speaker 3>but let's talk about whether it's realistic. So, most people

432
00:23:42.080 --> 00:23:44.800
<v Speaker 3>feel better after their first trimester, so most people are

433
00:23:44.880 --> 00:23:45.399
<v Speaker 3>less tired.

434
00:23:45.400 --> 00:23:46.640
<v Speaker 2>So if you had to pick like.

435
00:23:47.040 --> 00:23:50.840
<v Speaker 3>An optimal time to train for a marathon within pregnancy,

436
00:23:50.880 --> 00:23:53.760
<v Speaker 3>it probably is the second. It is the second trimester,

437
00:23:54.359 --> 00:23:57.560
<v Speaker 3>you are going to be more tired than you would

438
00:23:57.560 --> 00:24:02.639
<v Speaker 3>be otherwise non pregnategnant, because you're making a person.

439
00:24:03.400 --> 00:24:05.719
<v Speaker 2>Is it doable to run a marathon it's six months pregnant?

440
00:24:05.760 --> 00:24:09.560
<v Speaker 3>Absolutely, you can do it, and in fact it's not.

441
00:24:09.760 --> 00:24:11.800
<v Speaker 3>If the worry is like, is this dangerous?

442
00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:13.680
<v Speaker 2>Is there? Am I putting the baby at risk?

443
00:24:14.400 --> 00:24:14.480
<v Speaker 17>No?

444
00:24:15.760 --> 00:24:18.960
<v Speaker 3>From your own personal standpoint, the injury risk is actually

445
00:24:19.000 --> 00:24:20.960
<v Speaker 3>going to be a bit higher just because your ligaments

446
00:24:21.000 --> 00:24:22.600
<v Speaker 3>loosen up a little bit, So you want to be

447
00:24:22.840 --> 00:24:24.640
<v Speaker 3>more cautious about the.

448
00:24:24.680 --> 00:24:27.200
<v Speaker 2>Like twinges that occur as you run.

449
00:24:27.720 --> 00:24:30.399
<v Speaker 3>This is unlikely to be the source of your pr

450
00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:33.840
<v Speaker 3>So if that's what you were hoping for, this is.

451
00:24:33.760 --> 00:24:38.880
<v Speaker 2>Probably not your race. But I would not discourage someone from.

452
00:24:38.680 --> 00:24:41.800
<v Speaker 3>Doing this to be honest, as long as you feel

453
00:24:41.840 --> 00:24:44.320
<v Speaker 3>like it is making you happy and not stressed out.

454
00:24:44.600 --> 00:24:46.359
<v Speaker 3>If it's a thing where it's like I can't believe

455
00:24:46.400 --> 00:24:48.879
<v Speaker 3>I have to go do this, like I'm not ready

456
00:24:48.920 --> 00:24:52.520
<v Speaker 3>to run twenty two miles today, then you may want

457
00:24:52.560 --> 00:24:53.080
<v Speaker 3>to rethink it.

458
00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:54.560
<v Speaker 2>But if it's like that would be great. I'd love

459
00:24:54.560 --> 00:24:54.880
<v Speaker 2>to get.

460
00:24:54.800 --> 00:24:56.879
<v Speaker 3>Away from my child there for three hours and just

461
00:24:57.000 --> 00:25:00.480
<v Speaker 3>you know, enjoy myself out on the trails, then you

462
00:25:00.520 --> 00:25:01.680
<v Speaker 3>should you should do that.

463
00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:04.240
<v Speaker 2>Tomorrow.

464
00:25:04.320 --> 00:25:07.240
<v Speaker 6>The look on your face, oh my god, Well pack

465
00:25:07.320 --> 00:25:11.320
<v Speaker 6>some extra gels, I guess. I mean, I'm so impressed

466
00:25:11.359 --> 00:25:14.880
<v Speaker 6>by anybody who's able to run a marathon. That's gonna

467
00:25:14.880 --> 00:25:17.320
<v Speaker 6>say sober. One of my friends not pregnant.

468
00:25:17.880 --> 00:25:21.439
<v Speaker 3>So one of my friends asked, like somebody in message

469
00:25:21.480 --> 00:25:25.040
<v Speaker 3>me on Instagram who's now become a friend after So

470
00:25:25.160 --> 00:25:28.199
<v Speaker 3>the context is she had like run Boston, the Boston Marathon,

471
00:25:28.200 --> 00:25:31.360
<v Speaker 3>and she had failed to qualify for the next Boston

472
00:25:31.520 --> 00:25:34.199
<v Speaker 3>because she was like four months pregnant. And the message

473
00:25:34.359 --> 00:25:36.840
<v Speaker 3>was like, I know I can do it. Should I

474
00:25:36.920 --> 00:25:39.359
<v Speaker 3>run another marathon three weeks so I can try to

475
00:25:39.400 --> 00:25:42.159
<v Speaker 3>get a BQ time? And there I wrote back and

476
00:25:42.240 --> 00:25:44.280
<v Speaker 3>I was like, definitely not.

477
00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:46.280
<v Speaker 2>This is a stupid idea.

478
00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:48.080
<v Speaker 3>And then it worked out great because then she had

479
00:25:48.119 --> 00:25:50.080
<v Speaker 3>her baby and after that she ran her here BQ

480
00:25:50.200 --> 00:25:55.040
<v Speaker 3>time and everything went great. But I would say two

481
00:25:55.080 --> 00:25:58.360
<v Speaker 3>marathons three weeks apart when you're like six months pregnant,

482
00:25:58.440 --> 00:26:01.560
<v Speaker 3>I am gonna I'm gonna call and no on that one.

483
00:26:01.680 --> 00:26:05.200
<v Speaker 6>I had a personal trainer years ago, like a decade ago,

484
00:26:05.359 --> 00:26:09.240
<v Speaker 6>and she was like, she was pregnant and just got

485
00:26:09.359 --> 00:26:12.120
<v Speaker 6>you know, cuter and cuter, you know, more and more,

486
00:26:12.200 --> 00:26:14.040
<v Speaker 6>like she had a basketball under her shirt, like that

487
00:26:14.160 --> 00:26:17.159
<v Speaker 6>kind of look, and she was doing at eight months pregnant.

488
00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:19.680
<v Speaker 6>She was doing one armed push ups. And here I

489
00:26:19.880 --> 00:26:25.160
<v Speaker 6>was not pregnant at all, not able to do one arm,

490
00:26:25.200 --> 00:26:27.960
<v Speaker 6>not able to do two armed push ups quite with

491
00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:29.320
<v Speaker 6>the same gusto.

492
00:26:29.520 --> 00:26:31.760
<v Speaker 3>So yeah, I ran until with my second kid, I

493
00:26:31.800 --> 00:26:33.760
<v Speaker 3>ran until like the very end, and then I got

494
00:26:33.800 --> 00:26:36.680
<v Speaker 3>a hamstring injury that I've never recovered from actually even

495
00:26:36.720 --> 00:26:40.520
<v Speaker 3>though he's not nine. So anyway, be careful of your hamstrings.

496
00:26:40.840 --> 00:26:44.240
<v Speaker 6>Good luck to this person. I am incredibly impressed.

497
00:26:44.280 --> 00:26:45.399
<v Speaker 2>I think you're going to do great.

498
00:26:46.560 --> 00:26:49.960
<v Speaker 6>Okay, this last question in this theme, I saved the

499
00:26:49.960 --> 00:26:52.080
<v Speaker 6>best for last yeah, go for it.

500
00:26:52.760 --> 00:26:57.000
<v Speaker 18>My question has to do with restless leg syndrome during pregnancy.

501
00:26:57.720 --> 00:27:00.880
<v Speaker 18>Everything that my obigui N recommended to me to help

502
00:27:00.920 --> 00:27:05.040
<v Speaker 18>with the symptoms didn't work. By accident, I found that

503
00:27:05.119 --> 00:27:09.040
<v Speaker 18>the only thing that made the symptoms go away was orgasm.

504
00:27:09.440 --> 00:27:11.520
<v Speaker 18>I did a little research and it looks like that

505
00:27:11.560 --> 00:27:15.359
<v Speaker 18>there is a study that says that potentially that is

506
00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:18.600
<v Speaker 18>the key question mark. Wondering what your thoughts are and

507
00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:21.920
<v Speaker 18>if you know of any research or connection between orgasm

508
00:27:22.080 --> 00:27:25.600
<v Speaker 18>and restless leg syndrome, thanks tomorrow.

509
00:27:25.600 --> 00:27:26.960
<v Speaker 2>I need the internet for this one.

510
00:27:27.359 --> 00:27:28.280
<v Speaker 6>Okay, I don't know.

511
00:27:28.520 --> 00:27:29.119
<v Speaker 2>I don't know the.

512
00:27:29.119 --> 00:27:32.120
<v Speaker 3>Answer to this one, although I do love the framing

513
00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:36.719
<v Speaker 3>of By accident, I found out that this worked, like oops.

514
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:41.239
<v Speaker 6>Oops, okay, we'll wait. You go use the internet.

515
00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:50.840
<v Speaker 3>All right, So thanks for giving me the opportunity to

516
00:27:50.880 --> 00:27:54.639
<v Speaker 3>spend some time on the internet thinking about this and

517
00:27:54.840 --> 00:27:56.880
<v Speaker 3>researching it. And I want to be clear that even

518
00:27:56.920 --> 00:28:00.240
<v Speaker 3>though through the magic of podcasting this answer is coming immediately,

519
00:28:00.600 --> 00:28:02.919
<v Speaker 3>I actually spend a fair bit of time on this

520
00:28:03.200 --> 00:28:05.720
<v Speaker 3>trying very hard to find the data.

521
00:28:06.080 --> 00:28:07.800
<v Speaker 2>It's like God's work results.

522
00:28:07.840 --> 00:28:11.280
<v Speaker 3>Leg syndrome is not super well understood and the set

523
00:28:11.320 --> 00:28:14.919
<v Speaker 3>of treatments for it are also not you super codified.

524
00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:19.359
<v Speaker 3>I can find, however, nothing in the literature that suggests

525
00:28:19.960 --> 00:28:24.639
<v Speaker 3>that having orgasms would be helpful or not helpful with

526
00:28:25.240 --> 00:28:29.520
<v Speaker 3>this problem because it's related to your brain, and because

527
00:28:29.560 --> 00:28:32.840
<v Speaker 3>it might be related to dopamine. I don't think it's

528
00:28:32.880 --> 00:28:36.080
<v Speaker 3>an insane idea that they this might be related. But

529
00:28:36.119 --> 00:28:39.000
<v Speaker 3>it isn't something where say, there's a systematic randomized trial

530
00:28:39.000 --> 00:28:40.920
<v Speaker 3>where half the group gets a vibrator, half the group

531
00:28:40.920 --> 00:28:42.280
<v Speaker 3>doesn't get a vibrator.

532
00:28:41.840 --> 00:28:43.560
<v Speaker 2>And we like, see how their legs do.

533
00:28:44.160 --> 00:28:47.280
<v Speaker 3>Having said that, this is an example of something where

534
00:28:47.480 --> 00:28:50.680
<v Speaker 3>like who cares because this is a problem that's difficult

535
00:28:50.680 --> 00:28:53.440
<v Speaker 3>to treat, and you found a solution which has all

536
00:28:53.480 --> 00:28:55.000
<v Speaker 3>these other positive benefits.

537
00:28:55.120 --> 00:28:56.200
<v Speaker 2>So I would be.

538
00:28:56.720 --> 00:29:00.000
<v Speaker 3>Both to suggest that just because there's no systematic data

539
00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:03.720
<v Speaker 3>that you not enjoy orgasms and calm legs, which seems

540
00:29:03.760 --> 00:29:05.320
<v Speaker 3>like a total win to me.

541
00:29:06.000 --> 00:29:10.320
<v Speaker 6>So what are the chances of an actual systematic, double

542
00:29:10.360 --> 00:29:14.080
<v Speaker 6>blind randomized trial being conducted and can I sign up

543
00:29:14.080 --> 00:29:15.560
<v Speaker 6>for it?

544
00:29:16.680 --> 00:29:19.560
<v Speaker 3>Such a great question. I'm not optimistic, and I'm going

545
00:29:19.640 --> 00:29:20.640
<v Speaker 3>to tell you why.

546
00:29:20.720 --> 00:29:23.080
<v Speaker 2>It's because I don't see how to monetize it.

547
00:29:23.600 --> 00:29:27.760
<v Speaker 3>So it's expensive, somewhat expensive to run a randomized trial,

548
00:29:28.600 --> 00:29:31.440
<v Speaker 3>and it takes some time and work. And let's say

549
00:29:31.480 --> 00:29:35.280
<v Speaker 3>you learned this was a really good treatment, Like, how.

550
00:29:34.920 --> 00:29:39.040
<v Speaker 2>Can you get money from that? You cannot?

551
00:29:39.520 --> 00:29:44.240
<v Speaker 3>You know, the market for orgasms is very competitive. There's

552
00:29:44.400 --> 00:29:50.280
<v Speaker 3>many different ways to get it, and because one needs

553
00:29:50.320 --> 00:29:53.200
<v Speaker 3>money to finance research, usually we have a harder time

554
00:29:53.240 --> 00:29:56.240
<v Speaker 3>financing research if we cannot get money from it.

555
00:29:56.520 --> 00:29:57.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry to.

556
00:29:57.160 --> 00:30:02.719
<v Speaker 6>Report, Okay, but as you said, still a win all around.

557
00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:05.200
<v Speaker 3>It's still yeah, I feel like it's you know, just

558
00:30:05.240 --> 00:30:06.200
<v Speaker 3>don't look for the evidence.

559
00:30:06.240 --> 00:30:07.080
<v Speaker 2>Look for the orgasm.

560
00:30:07.120 --> 00:30:10.000
<v Speaker 3>That's what we should see, like a tagline.

561
00:30:10.280 --> 00:30:16.680
<v Speaker 6>It's my new bumper sticker. Okay. So moving on. Now

562
00:30:16.680 --> 00:30:19.960
<v Speaker 6>that the legs are calm by any means necessary, and

563
00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:22.120
<v Speaker 6>the baby is out of the womb and into the world,

564
00:30:22.640 --> 00:30:24.880
<v Speaker 6>people have questions about the first year.

565
00:30:25.560 --> 00:30:27.600
<v Speaker 1>My question is about.

566
00:30:28.680 --> 00:30:32.640
<v Speaker 19>Just general risks with premature babies, because I'm reading all

567
00:30:32.680 --> 00:30:36.720
<v Speaker 19>over the place about increased risk for premies, for example,

568
00:30:37.720 --> 00:30:40.640
<v Speaker 19>like the risk of SIDS is increased if your baby's premature,

569
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:44.960
<v Speaker 19>and I'm wondering when that stops applying. So, like, my

570
00:30:45.080 --> 00:30:47.080
<v Speaker 19>baby was six and a half weeks.

571
00:30:46.880 --> 00:30:48.800
<v Speaker 1>Early, but now he.

572
00:30:49.080 --> 00:30:51.440
<v Speaker 2>Is four weeks past his.

573
00:30:51.520 --> 00:30:57.440
<v Speaker 19>Duty and he's totally fine. He has no concerns relating

574
00:30:57.440 --> 00:31:00.920
<v Speaker 19>to his prematurity. But does that mean he's no longer

575
00:31:01.720 --> 00:31:04.600
<v Speaker 19>a premium or does he stay a premi forever?

576
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:06.640
<v Speaker 1>When does that stop applying?

577
00:31:07.160 --> 00:31:11.600
<v Speaker 3>So your baby able to stay in the premature category forever.

578
00:31:12.200 --> 00:31:15.160
<v Speaker 3>So it's something that you will be part of his

579
00:31:15.640 --> 00:31:20.320
<v Speaker 3>medical history and will mean, you know, particularly for the

580
00:31:20.360 --> 00:31:21.640
<v Speaker 3>first couple of years.

581
00:31:22.240 --> 00:31:23.400
<v Speaker 2>They're likely to think.

582
00:31:23.200 --> 00:31:27.240
<v Speaker 3>About that when they're evaluating developmental milestones or thinking about say,

583
00:31:27.880 --> 00:31:31.960
<v Speaker 3>risks for something like RSV. So a baby who was

584
00:31:32.000 --> 00:31:35.440
<v Speaker 3>pre term is going to have longer eligibility for like

585
00:31:35.480 --> 00:31:40.680
<v Speaker 3>an RSV monocle immunization than another. So some of this

586
00:31:40.800 --> 00:31:43.960
<v Speaker 3>is just there's a category of premature which you're sort

587
00:31:43.960 --> 00:31:47.240
<v Speaker 3>of never gonna gonna leave. But when we talk about,

588
00:31:47.280 --> 00:31:50.040
<v Speaker 3>you know, there's an elevated risk of a whole host

589
00:31:50.080 --> 00:31:54.320
<v Speaker 3>of things. That's a really complicated question because it lumps

590
00:31:54.400 --> 00:31:59.120
<v Speaker 3>together a huge number of babies with very very different

591
00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:02.440
<v Speaker 3>risk profile. So six and a half weeks early, so

592
00:32:02.560 --> 00:32:07.280
<v Speaker 3>that's you know, something around say thirty four weeks is

593
00:32:07.440 --> 00:32:11.000
<v Speaker 3>quite different than thirty weeks is also quite different from

594
00:32:11.040 --> 00:32:14.120
<v Speaker 3>thirty six and a half weeks, which you know would

595
00:32:14.120 --> 00:32:18.160
<v Speaker 3>be would be lower risk, and so there's really like

596
00:32:18.480 --> 00:32:23.880
<v Speaker 3>a continuum, and in the literature there isn't as much

597
00:32:23.920 --> 00:32:28.120
<v Speaker 3>differentiation there as one might hope, nor is there much

598
00:32:28.120 --> 00:32:30.440
<v Speaker 3>differentiation that would have to do with the fact that, like,

599
00:32:30.480 --> 00:32:33.840
<v Speaker 3>you're not seeing any complications with your baby and things are,

600
00:32:34.040 --> 00:32:37.000
<v Speaker 3>you know, looking really great now four weeks after the

601
00:32:37.080 --> 00:32:39.680
<v Speaker 3>do dates. So all of these things kind of come

602
00:32:39.760 --> 00:32:44.280
<v Speaker 3>together to say that your individual situation is so much

603
00:32:44.320 --> 00:32:48.200
<v Speaker 3>more important than this one kind of definition. But in

604
00:32:48.280 --> 00:32:50.440
<v Speaker 3>terms of the definition, in terms of extra services, you

605
00:32:50.440 --> 00:32:52.680
<v Speaker 3>would get anything like that your baby is going to

606
00:32:52.680 --> 00:32:54.800
<v Speaker 3>be considered premature forever.

607
00:32:55.960 --> 00:32:58.160
<v Speaker 6>It can become a badge of honor after a while

608
00:32:59.120 --> 00:32:59.400
<v Speaker 6>it is.

609
00:32:59.440 --> 00:33:01.760
<v Speaker 3>And then the one thing people often ask in this

610
00:33:01.880 --> 00:33:05.440
<v Speaker 3>space is like, what do you expect about developmental milestones,

611
00:33:05.520 --> 00:33:07.840
<v Speaker 3>because they'll sort of you'll sort of talk about like

612
00:33:07.960 --> 00:33:11.440
<v Speaker 3>adjusted age for pre term babies. You know, you're four

613
00:33:11.480 --> 00:33:13.760
<v Speaker 3>weeks after your due date, so the baby was six

614
00:33:13.800 --> 00:33:16.160
<v Speaker 3>and a half weeks earlier, Like it's you know, he's

615
00:33:16.200 --> 00:33:19.000
<v Speaker 3>ten weeks old, but really like an adjusted age, he's

616
00:33:19.040 --> 00:33:22.880
<v Speaker 3>only four weeks old. And that influences when we expect

617
00:33:23.040 --> 00:33:27.760
<v Speaker 3>developmental milestones to happen. That crunches down and becomes less

618
00:33:27.760 --> 00:33:30.880
<v Speaker 3>important over time as we think about just the range

619
00:33:30.880 --> 00:33:32.360
<v Speaker 3>of heterogeneity.

620
00:33:31.680 --> 00:33:36.000
<v Speaker 2>Across kids and the fact that you know, basically a.

621
00:33:35.840 --> 00:33:39.600
<v Speaker 3>Four month old and a two month old are really different,

622
00:33:39.880 --> 00:33:42.440
<v Speaker 3>but a kid who's you know, four years and two

623
00:33:42.480 --> 00:33:44.720
<v Speaker 3>months versus four years and four months, those are actually

624
00:33:44.760 --> 00:33:47.560
<v Speaker 3>not very different. And so some of this like importance

625
00:33:47.560 --> 00:33:49.320
<v Speaker 3>of this stuff gets just.

626
00:33:49.240 --> 00:33:50.440
<v Speaker 2>Smaller over time.

627
00:33:51.760 --> 00:33:54.080
<v Speaker 6>My brother was was born premature. He was about four

628
00:33:54.080 --> 00:33:57.640
<v Speaker 6>weeks premature, and he was born in an Israeli hospital

629
00:33:57.680 --> 00:34:02.320
<v Speaker 6>in nineteen seventy three, and the you know, my mom

630
00:34:02.480 --> 00:34:05.560
<v Speaker 6>was was adjusting to this you know, very very tiny

631
00:34:05.600 --> 00:34:10.080
<v Speaker 6>baby who wasn't big enough to latch and this large

632
00:34:10.640 --> 00:34:15.160
<v Speaker 6>barrel chested is really male nurse came in and like

633
00:34:15.360 --> 00:34:17.520
<v Speaker 6>pointed to his chest and said, hey, don't worry about it.

634
00:34:17.520 --> 00:34:20.319
<v Speaker 6>I was I was a pre me too, and that

635
00:34:20.560 --> 00:34:23.319
<v Speaker 6>was very comforting to her at the time.

636
00:34:23.719 --> 00:34:28.520
<v Speaker 3>This is a space that has changed so much over time.

637
00:34:28.680 --> 00:34:33.520
<v Speaker 3>You know, there was one of John Kennedy's kids was born.

638
00:34:33.560 --> 00:34:36.600
<v Speaker 3>They had a baby born at thirty six weeks that died,

639
00:34:37.360 --> 00:34:43.680
<v Speaker 3>and that gestational age the survival now is like close

640
00:34:43.719 --> 00:34:45.319
<v Speaker 3>to what you'd see, very close to what you see

641
00:34:45.320 --> 00:34:47.920
<v Speaker 3>at full time, you know. It's that's like that we

642
00:34:48.000 --> 00:34:49.319
<v Speaker 3>sort of know how to deal with a baby at

643
00:34:49.320 --> 00:34:49.919
<v Speaker 3>thirty six weeks.

644
00:34:49.920 --> 00:34:51.160
<v Speaker 2>They might even not end up in the Nike.

645
00:34:51.239 --> 00:34:53.839
<v Speaker 3>You So, the whole range of kind of what is

646
00:34:54.040 --> 00:34:57.320
<v Speaker 3>possible and the outcomes from which ourn babies have gotten

647
00:34:57.400 --> 00:35:00.279
<v Speaker 3>so much better over the past decades and even over

648
00:35:00.320 --> 00:35:02.960
<v Speaker 3>the past you know, the past ten years.

649
00:35:02.960 --> 00:35:04.360
<v Speaker 2>So that's very encouraging.

650
00:35:06.239 --> 00:35:10.239
<v Speaker 6>Okay, So speaking of conventional wisdom, changing, next question.

651
00:35:10.480 --> 00:35:13.440
<v Speaker 20>Hey, Emily, I've heard that I can't give my baby honey,

652
00:35:14.400 --> 00:35:15.839
<v Speaker 20>especially from my mother in law.

653
00:35:16.680 --> 00:35:17.320
<v Speaker 9>Is this true?

654
00:35:18.239 --> 00:35:20.440
<v Speaker 3>I feel like honey and mother in laws just has

655
00:35:20.520 --> 00:35:22.840
<v Speaker 3>a total aside. But like most of the questions I

656
00:35:22.840 --> 00:35:24.960
<v Speaker 3>get about honey are about people's mother in laws, and

657
00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:26.560
<v Speaker 3>they're either my mother in law told me not to

658
00:35:26.600 --> 00:35:29.080
<v Speaker 3>do this, or it's like my mother in law gave

659
00:35:29.120 --> 00:35:32.080
<v Speaker 3>my kid a honey nut cheerio and I'm considering disowning

660
00:35:32.080 --> 00:35:38.279
<v Speaker 3>her my husband's lism overreacting like am I. So the

661
00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:43.920
<v Speaker 3>concern with honey is the possible link with botulism, which

662
00:35:44.040 --> 00:35:48.960
<v Speaker 3>is exposure to bochelism spores can give you an illness.

663
00:35:49.000 --> 00:35:50.320
<v Speaker 2>For adults and.

664
00:35:50.280 --> 00:35:53.680
<v Speaker 3>Older people, it's not typically a problem because you just

665
00:35:55.200 --> 00:35:57.839
<v Speaker 3>it doesn't cause any issues, but for infants it can.

666
00:35:58.360 --> 00:36:02.239
<v Speaker 3>It can be associated with illness and sort of short

667
00:36:02.320 --> 00:36:06.680
<v Speaker 3>term paralysis that it's quite scary, although all recoverable from.

668
00:36:07.040 --> 00:36:09.760
<v Speaker 3>And there was at some point a kind of idea

669
00:36:09.840 --> 00:36:12.760
<v Speaker 3>that this was linked to honey.

670
00:36:13.520 --> 00:36:17.360
<v Speaker 2>Actually, over time, it seems like that's not true.

671
00:36:18.480 --> 00:36:20.640
<v Speaker 3>You know, the kind of telling people not to give

672
00:36:20.680 --> 00:36:22.799
<v Speaker 3>their babies honey basically has had no impact on the

673
00:36:23.040 --> 00:36:25.440
<v Speaker 3>very small number of babies that get botulism over time.

674
00:36:25.480 --> 00:36:28.239
<v Speaker 3>So it just doesn't look like this was actually an

675
00:36:28.280 --> 00:36:31.680
<v Speaker 3>important source of botulism. And it's not something that you

676
00:36:31.680 --> 00:36:35.240
<v Speaker 3>can measure directly because if this happens, you are trying

677
00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:37.000
<v Speaker 3>to just figure out what are the range of things

678
00:36:37.000 --> 00:36:39.600
<v Speaker 3>that could have caused it, and honey is one that

679
00:36:39.640 --> 00:36:42.399
<v Speaker 3>had come up. But it just turns out x post

680
00:36:42.560 --> 00:36:47.239
<v Speaker 3>not to be an especially important, uh or really a

681
00:36:47.280 --> 00:36:50.640
<v Speaker 3>factor at all. So now does that mean you have

682
00:36:50.719 --> 00:36:53.120
<v Speaker 3>to that you should give your kid honey or they

683
00:36:53.160 --> 00:36:54.400
<v Speaker 3>need to enjoy honey?

684
00:36:54.480 --> 00:36:57.080
<v Speaker 2>Like, No, honey is not a central.

685
00:36:56.840 --> 00:37:00.680
<v Speaker 3>Food group for people, but I think it's an important

686
00:37:00.719 --> 00:37:02.560
<v Speaker 3>thing for me able to know, because for whatever reason,

687
00:37:02.880 --> 00:37:05.640
<v Speaker 3>a lot of parents freak out about this when it's

688
00:37:05.680 --> 00:37:08.360
<v Speaker 3>like accidentally their kid got a honey graham cracker, or

689
00:37:08.440 --> 00:37:10.719
<v Speaker 3>they had some honey nuturial's or somebody put honey in

690
00:37:10.760 --> 00:37:13.960
<v Speaker 3>the bread, Like this is just like fine, it's fine.

691
00:37:15.239 --> 00:37:18.000
<v Speaker 6>Is there any value to exposing them to honey? Like

692
00:37:18.040 --> 00:37:18.839
<v Speaker 6>going out of your way too?

693
00:37:19.040 --> 00:37:20.319
<v Speaker 2>It's not a common no.

694
00:37:20.440 --> 00:37:22.200
<v Speaker 3>I mean there's there are a bunch of foods that

695
00:37:22.239 --> 00:37:24.520
<v Speaker 3>are common allergens where you do want to be careful

696
00:37:24.560 --> 00:37:32.000
<v Speaker 3>to expose babies early, like peanuts and eggs and dairy wheat,

697
00:37:32.280 --> 00:37:34.680
<v Speaker 3>But honey is not a common allergen, so it's not

698
00:37:34.719 --> 00:37:36.160
<v Speaker 3>that you need to expose them to it.

699
00:37:36.160 --> 00:37:38.000
<v Speaker 2>It's just it's like, okay, if it.

700
00:37:37.960 --> 00:37:42.640
<v Speaker 6>Happens, okay, Well, if it does happen and those two

701
00:37:42.680 --> 00:37:46.200
<v Speaker 6>teeth are exposed to honey, click on the next question.

702
00:37:46.719 --> 00:37:51.600
<v Speaker 7>Oh, dear hi Emily, how important is it really that

703
00:37:51.680 --> 00:37:55.160
<v Speaker 7>I brush my fifteen month old's teeth twice a day?

704
00:37:55.600 --> 00:37:57.760
<v Speaker 1>They're gonna fall out anyway, right.

705
00:37:58.760 --> 00:38:02.839
<v Speaker 3>They are gonna fall at any Although your baby does

706
00:38:03.000 --> 00:38:06.719
<v Speaker 3>keep those teeth for a pretty long time, so you know,

707
00:38:06.840 --> 00:38:10.960
<v Speaker 3>keeping keeping them up to up to snuff is not

708
00:38:11.120 --> 00:38:17.360
<v Speaker 3>of no value. Generally, the links between you know, tooth

709
00:38:17.400 --> 00:38:21.720
<v Speaker 3>brushing and like tooth health are reasonably good.

710
00:38:21.960 --> 00:38:26.040
<v Speaker 2>But also it's hard to know how much of that is.

711
00:38:26.040 --> 00:38:27.920
<v Speaker 3>Like people who brush their kids teeth also do other

712
00:38:28.000 --> 00:38:30.839
<v Speaker 3>kinds of dental things and have other characteristics that are

713
00:38:31.560 --> 00:38:32.200
<v Speaker 3>that are important.

714
00:38:32.320 --> 00:38:36.080
<v Speaker 2>One thing we do know pretty consistently.

715
00:38:35.760 --> 00:38:40.960
<v Speaker 3>Is that as kids get a little older, having a

716
00:38:41.000 --> 00:38:43.360
<v Speaker 3>lot of the like a thing that is strongly associated

717
00:38:43.400 --> 00:38:47.000
<v Speaker 3>with cavities is drinking a lot of milk before sleep

718
00:38:47.040 --> 00:38:48.480
<v Speaker 3>and then not brushing.

719
00:38:48.120 --> 00:38:51.000
<v Speaker 2>Teeth because the milk sugars.

720
00:38:50.560 --> 00:38:53.640
<v Speaker 3>Stick around on the teeth and they like erode the enamel.

721
00:38:54.239 --> 00:38:56.520
<v Speaker 3>So it's worth thinking about the kind of brushing of

722
00:38:56.520 --> 00:39:01.400
<v Speaker 3>teeth right before bed. Be okay to do it twice

723
00:39:01.440 --> 00:39:05.440
<v Speaker 3>a day, sure, you could try, like try to do it.

724
00:39:05.719 --> 00:39:08.760
<v Speaker 3>Doing it once a day would be great. It's important

725
00:39:08.800 --> 00:39:11.600
<v Speaker 3>to develop a habit. I feel this is such a

726
00:39:11.600 --> 00:39:14.600
<v Speaker 3>hard thing because it's so challenging to brush your kids teeth,

727
00:39:14.840 --> 00:39:17.600
<v Speaker 3>like they hate it, and then you will get sold

728
00:39:17.640 --> 00:39:21.600
<v Speaker 3>these things like stick this mouthguard thing in it'll like

729
00:39:21.640 --> 00:39:23.680
<v Speaker 3>brush your kid's teeth for you.

730
00:39:23.920 --> 00:39:25.520
<v Speaker 2>Like, yeah, those don't work at all.

731
00:39:25.880 --> 00:39:28.360
<v Speaker 3>Actually, there's like there's like pretty good evidence they like

732
00:39:28.400 --> 00:39:29.640
<v Speaker 3>do it on like fake teeth.

733
00:39:29.880 --> 00:39:32.239
<v Speaker 2>It just like doesn't remove anything, you know.

734
00:39:32.360 --> 00:39:35.400
<v Speaker 6>So those instagram you've lied to me again.

735
00:39:35.400 --> 00:39:37.960
<v Speaker 2>Those are just a scam. So you really do need

736
00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:39.120
<v Speaker 2>to like brush your kids teeth.

737
00:39:39.160 --> 00:39:41.400
<v Speaker 3>But of course there's a there's a trade off between

738
00:39:41.480 --> 00:39:43.960
<v Speaker 3>like some small risk of additional cavities and the fact

739
00:39:44.000 --> 00:39:46.440
<v Speaker 3>that your kid is like screaming bloody murder and you're

740
00:39:46.440 --> 00:39:48.400
<v Speaker 3>like holding them down trying to get a toothbrush in

741
00:39:48.440 --> 00:39:50.799
<v Speaker 3>their mouth, which isn't good for your for your relationship.

742
00:39:50.880 --> 00:39:53.520
<v Speaker 3>So like, look, do you do your best? Do like

743
00:39:54.080 --> 00:39:56.680
<v Speaker 3>it's worth a try? Don't die doing, don't die in

744
00:39:56.719 --> 00:39:58.080
<v Speaker 3>the hill, try TV.

745
00:39:58.880 --> 00:40:01.719
<v Speaker 6>Can I actually ask a fall up on that? When

746
00:40:02.080 --> 00:40:05.279
<v Speaker 6>do you start taking your kid to the dentist regularly?

747
00:40:05.760 --> 00:40:09.239
<v Speaker 6>Because the dentist near us has a little blurb that says,

748
00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:11.319
<v Speaker 6>as soon as you see that first tooth, it's time

749
00:40:11.320 --> 00:40:13.920
<v Speaker 6>to go to the dentist, which seems insane to me.

750
00:40:14.560 --> 00:40:17.560
<v Speaker 3>Well, they're not to like get too deep into the

751
00:40:17.680 --> 00:40:21.280
<v Speaker 3>economics here, but you can imagine that their incentives would

752
00:40:21.280 --> 00:40:21.640
<v Speaker 3>be in.

753
00:40:21.600 --> 00:40:26.799
<v Speaker 2>The direction of see more dental time. You know, at

754
00:40:26.840 --> 00:40:29.399
<v Speaker 2>some point in the first few years your kids should

755
00:40:29.400 --> 00:40:32.760
<v Speaker 2>see a dentist once they have teeth. We don't actually

756
00:40:32.800 --> 00:40:35.160
<v Speaker 2>have a lot of good evidence in general.

757
00:40:34.880 --> 00:40:39.200
<v Speaker 3>About the value of dental visits. You know, clearly to

758
00:40:39.360 --> 00:40:42.440
<v Speaker 3>like have X rays and figure I cavities, Yes, but

759
00:40:42.520 --> 00:40:44.360
<v Speaker 3>in terms of like what's the value to cleaning is

760
00:40:44.400 --> 00:40:48.240
<v Speaker 3>actually not something that's like super well established in general,

761
00:40:49.239 --> 00:40:52.160
<v Speaker 3>And there's not anything in the data that would say,

762
00:40:52.480 --> 00:40:54.920
<v Speaker 3>you know, convincingly, like your kid has to go at

763
00:40:54.920 --> 00:40:56.439
<v Speaker 3>want or has to go at two.

764
00:40:56.800 --> 00:40:58.839
<v Speaker 6>The only thing our dentist office has accomplished so far

765
00:40:58.880 --> 00:41:01.960
<v Speaker 6>as introducing my son to cocomelon, which I'm not happy about.

766
00:41:02.719 --> 00:41:07.040
<v Speaker 2>So Cocomelon is great. I mean, it's I think you're

767
00:41:07.080 --> 00:41:07.680
<v Speaker 2>wrong there.

768
00:41:08.000 --> 00:41:10.160
<v Speaker 6>All right, Well we'll talk about this so we can

769
00:41:10.160 --> 00:41:15.680
<v Speaker 6>discuss that. Just going back actually to the marathon running

770
00:41:16.200 --> 00:41:21.440
<v Speaker 6>pregnant women, we had a write in that asked about exercise,

771
00:41:21.600 --> 00:41:24.960
<v Speaker 6>and I think it's pretty clear that this is pretty

772
00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:28.960
<v Speaker 6>high intensity exercise. Does that in any way deplete or

773
00:41:29.000 --> 00:41:31.799
<v Speaker 6>interfere with one's milk supply when you're breastfeeding.

774
00:41:32.280 --> 00:41:36.680
<v Speaker 3>I don't know of any systematic evidence that would point

775
00:41:36.719 --> 00:41:39.440
<v Speaker 3>to this. I would say one of our most poorly

776
00:41:39.640 --> 00:41:46.440
<v Speaker 3>understood things in this space is just what determines breast

777
00:41:46.480 --> 00:41:50.440
<v Speaker 3>milk supply. Other than the fact that we know if

778
00:41:50.440 --> 00:41:52.440
<v Speaker 3>you pump more, you nurse more, you get more supply.

779
00:41:52.520 --> 00:41:55.960
<v Speaker 3>There's like this clear sort of supply demand relationship, but

780
00:41:56.040 --> 00:42:00.880
<v Speaker 3>there's also a billion other things like out in the literature, hydration, pineapple,

781
00:42:01.000 --> 00:42:03.400
<v Speaker 3>this kind of cookie, that kind of cookie, this shake

782
00:42:03.480 --> 00:42:06.839
<v Speaker 3>that shakee do this that a Greek yeah, fannag right,

783
00:42:07.040 --> 00:42:11.480
<v Speaker 3>where like the data is just really either it's not

784
00:42:11.560 --> 00:42:14.840
<v Speaker 3>really there, it's quite poor generally, it's not super encouraging.

785
00:42:14.960 --> 00:42:18.160
<v Speaker 3>Like I wouldn't say we there's no concrete evidence that

786
00:42:18.200 --> 00:42:21.440
<v Speaker 3>like oatmeal and cookies cause you to.

787
00:42:21.400 --> 00:42:23.280
<v Speaker 2>Have more more breastmulk supply.

788
00:42:23.560 --> 00:42:25.800
<v Speaker 3>What one thing we do know, which I think relates

789
00:42:25.800 --> 00:42:29.440
<v Speaker 3>to this question, is that the supply responds negatively to

790
00:42:29.440 --> 00:42:32.880
<v Speaker 3>stress so experiences, and I think you can this is

791
00:42:32.920 --> 00:42:35.880
<v Speaker 3>something breastfeeding people would reflect on. We'll remember like if

792
00:42:35.880 --> 00:42:39.080
<v Speaker 3>you're if you're having a very stressful almost like moment

793
00:42:39.560 --> 00:42:44.800
<v Speaker 3>or a stressful like incident, your supply drops. Like the

794
00:42:45.200 --> 00:42:46.920
<v Speaker 3>thing that I always comes to mind is when my

795
00:42:47.040 --> 00:42:50.239
<v Speaker 3>son was like three months old, I was nursing them

796
00:42:50.239 --> 00:42:51.680
<v Speaker 3>all the times. It's pumping all the time, and my

797
00:42:51.760 --> 00:42:54.120
<v Speaker 3>daughter got very sick and we were in the er

798
00:42:54.239 --> 00:42:55.280
<v Speaker 3>with her and.

799
00:42:55.239 --> 00:42:57.960
<v Speaker 2>She had like she was getting like ivy fluids.

800
00:42:58.360 --> 00:42:59.840
<v Speaker 3>She ended up being fine, she s had some virus,

801
00:42:59.880 --> 00:43:01.840
<v Speaker 3>but she had gotten super dehydrated, and they were like

802
00:43:01.960 --> 00:43:02.960
<v Speaker 3>very worried vombiting.

803
00:43:03.000 --> 00:43:05.880
<v Speaker 2>Its horrible, like like hold her down and get a

804
00:43:05.920 --> 00:43:06.719
<v Speaker 2>needle in her arm.

805
00:43:07.040 --> 00:43:08.600
<v Speaker 3>And then like as we're sitting there, I was like, oh,

806
00:43:08.600 --> 00:43:11.000
<v Speaker 3>I have to pump, and I was trying to pump

807
00:43:11.000 --> 00:43:13.000
<v Speaker 3>and like nothing, like it was just like there was

808
00:43:13.080 --> 00:43:13.839
<v Speaker 3>nothing coming out.

809
00:43:13.840 --> 00:43:14.759
<v Speaker 2>And I think that is a.

810
00:43:14.840 --> 00:43:17.080
<v Speaker 3>Very typical like sort of stress response that your body's

811
00:43:17.120 --> 00:43:19.080
<v Speaker 3>just like, you know what, we're not putting resources into

812
00:43:19.080 --> 00:43:20.960
<v Speaker 3>this right now, Like obviously we're trying to run from

813
00:43:20.960 --> 00:43:23.680
<v Speaker 3>a tiger and like, you know, put away the pump

814
00:43:24.000 --> 00:43:26.839
<v Speaker 3>because the tiger is coming, and like it's we can

815
00:43:26.880 --> 00:43:29.640
<v Speaker 3>deal with the breast milk later. I can imagine sort

816
00:43:29.680 --> 00:43:33.400
<v Speaker 3>of high intensity exercise having some of that, you know,

817
00:43:33.440 --> 00:43:34.520
<v Speaker 3>sort of short term effect.

818
00:43:34.680 --> 00:43:36.480
<v Speaker 2>Like if you said, like I did huge.

819
00:43:36.280 --> 00:43:38.560
<v Speaker 3>Workout and then like I tried to pump right after,

820
00:43:38.600 --> 00:43:39.840
<v Speaker 3>would you have less supply?

821
00:43:39.880 --> 00:43:41.319
<v Speaker 2>I can certainly imagine that being true.

822
00:43:41.320 --> 00:43:43.600
<v Speaker 3>I'm not sure that we have a lot of a

823
00:43:43.600 --> 00:43:46.960
<v Speaker 3>lot of good evidence and I do know many professional

824
00:43:47.480 --> 00:43:50.480
<v Speaker 3>marathon runners who have said like ahead of like I

825
00:43:50.560 --> 00:43:52.759
<v Speaker 3>pumped before and I pumped after, and like there's still milk.

826
00:43:52.840 --> 00:43:54.640
<v Speaker 3>You know there was like still milk.

827
00:43:55.680 --> 00:44:09.239
<v Speaker 21>So yeah, yeah, more parent data, including your questions about

828
00:44:09.239 --> 00:44:13.359
<v Speaker 21>older kids, the rule of grandparents, nakedness, that's not all

829
00:44:13.400 --> 00:44:13.960
<v Speaker 21>the same.

830
00:44:13.800 --> 00:44:17.640
<v Speaker 3>Question and rousing ask the audience comprised of members of

831
00:44:17.680 --> 00:44:28.960
<v Speaker 3>my own team after the break.

832
00:44:39.880 --> 00:44:44.640
<v Speaker 6>Okay, so that has exhausted our baby theme, and the

833
00:44:44.719 --> 00:44:49.839
<v Speaker 6>last segment here is older kids. And it's interesting the

834
00:44:49.840 --> 00:44:51.920
<v Speaker 6>way that the kind of like the texture of these

835
00:44:52.000 --> 00:44:55.000
<v Speaker 6>kinds of questions change because they become a little bit

836
00:44:55.080 --> 00:44:59.960
<v Speaker 6>more abstract, which I thought was interesting. So please go ahead.

837
00:45:01.080 --> 00:45:03.600
<v Speaker 22>Hi, Emily, I have a five year old son who

838
00:45:03.640 --> 00:45:04.960
<v Speaker 22>can sometimes act.

839
00:45:05.640 --> 00:45:07.200
<v Speaker 1>Very wild and distracted.

840
00:45:08.120 --> 00:45:12.000
<v Speaker 22>How much should I attribute to him being five? How

841
00:45:12.080 --> 00:45:15.040
<v Speaker 22>much should I attribute to him being a boy? And

842
00:45:15.120 --> 00:45:17.600
<v Speaker 22>how much should I get someone involved to see if

843
00:45:17.640 --> 00:45:18.480
<v Speaker 22>it's an issue?

844
00:45:19.760 --> 00:45:24.320
<v Speaker 3>So to say, like set stage first, five year olds

845
00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:29.680
<v Speaker 3>tend to be kind of wild and distractable on average,

846
00:45:29.719 --> 00:45:32.520
<v Speaker 3>boys have a harder time sitting still than girls, particularly

847
00:45:32.520 --> 00:45:33.280
<v Speaker 3>in this age group.

848
00:45:33.520 --> 00:45:34.800
<v Speaker 2>And those things are just true.

849
00:45:34.840 --> 00:45:37.480
<v Speaker 3>It's not that every five year old's one way or another.

850
00:45:37.640 --> 00:45:39.640
<v Speaker 3>Every boys want more one way or the other. But

851
00:45:39.800 --> 00:45:42.319
<v Speaker 3>like you know, this overlap in the distributions. But those

852
00:45:42.320 --> 00:45:48.000
<v Speaker 3>things are true on average, and there is a wide

853
00:45:48.120 --> 00:45:52.239
<v Speaker 3>range of of what we would consider like normal behaviors

854
00:45:52.320 --> 00:45:55.000
<v Speaker 3>or sort of typical behaviors that you would that you

855
00:45:55.040 --> 00:45:58.279
<v Speaker 3>would see in kids, in boys, in girls, in kids

856
00:45:58.280 --> 00:46:00.719
<v Speaker 3>of different ages, Like just the world, there's a rich

857
00:46:00.800 --> 00:46:04.880
<v Speaker 3>tapestry of everything and people's behavior or a difference.

858
00:46:05.800 --> 00:46:07.320
<v Speaker 2>There are of course.

859
00:46:06.960 --> 00:46:10.640
<v Speaker 3>Situations in which you want to talk to someone about whether,

860
00:46:11.000 --> 00:46:14.880
<v Speaker 3>like your kid is going to struggle to operate in school,

861
00:46:15.560 --> 00:46:18.800
<v Speaker 3>or whether there's something that you could be doing to

862
00:46:19.840 --> 00:46:22.080
<v Speaker 3>help scaffold and make their experience of.

863
00:46:22.040 --> 00:46:25.239
<v Speaker 2>The world easier. But the way that I.

864
00:46:25.200 --> 00:46:27.840
<v Speaker 3>Would ask yourself the question of should I get someone involved,

865
00:46:27.840 --> 00:46:30.200
<v Speaker 3>which is like a very common question that I get

866
00:46:30.239 --> 00:46:31.480
<v Speaker 3>I actually asked answer.

867
00:46:31.320 --> 00:46:36.080
<v Speaker 2>This question for someone in person literally yesterday, is what

868
00:46:36.200 --> 00:46:40.400
<v Speaker 2>are you what are you going to accomplish with that?

869
00:46:40.640 --> 00:46:44.080
<v Speaker 3>What is the possible set of decisions you would make

870
00:46:44.440 --> 00:46:45.640
<v Speaker 3>differently right?

871
00:46:45.680 --> 00:46:48.000
<v Speaker 2>And so in particular, one of the things that comes

872
00:46:48.080 --> 00:46:50.080
<v Speaker 2>up in this space is you know, we what do

873
00:46:50.120 --> 00:46:51.120
<v Speaker 2>we think about medication?

874
00:46:51.880 --> 00:46:54.120
<v Speaker 3>And a five year old is too young Basically, for

875
00:46:54.960 --> 00:46:58.920
<v Speaker 3>really most people to consider medication, we talk about medicating

876
00:46:58.960 --> 00:47:03.760
<v Speaker 3>kids for ADH tends to be starting in older ages

877
00:47:03.760 --> 00:47:07.360
<v Speaker 3>in which there's maybe more of an expectation in the

878
00:47:07.480 --> 00:47:09.279
<v Speaker 3>systems that they're in that they need to be able

879
00:47:09.320 --> 00:47:11.440
<v Speaker 3>to sit still for longer periods of time and less,

880
00:47:12.360 --> 00:47:15.319
<v Speaker 3>and it is also more atypical to be unable to

881
00:47:15.320 --> 00:47:20.759
<v Speaker 3>do that at five. Very few people would recommend that

882
00:47:20.880 --> 00:47:24.360
<v Speaker 3>kids be medicated for this, and so then the question is, well, what, okay,

883
00:47:24.640 --> 00:47:26.640
<v Speaker 3>so what are you hoping for if you went to

884
00:47:26.680 --> 00:47:29.000
<v Speaker 3>talk to somebody, is there actually anything you would get

885
00:47:29.040 --> 00:47:32.879
<v Speaker 3>out of that other than somebody else's opinion about, you know,

886
00:47:33.040 --> 00:47:36.680
<v Speaker 3>where your kid falls in the distribution, which is probably not.

887
00:47:36.760 --> 00:47:38.000
<v Speaker 2>That useful at this point.

888
00:47:38.920 --> 00:47:41.480
<v Speaker 3>If you're worried, it's always useful to talk to your

889
00:47:41.800 --> 00:47:44.719
<v Speaker 3>pediatrician about things and bring that up. But I really

890
00:47:44.760 --> 00:47:47.200
<v Speaker 3>would focus on the question of, like, what would I

891
00:47:47.239 --> 00:47:48.640
<v Speaker 3>get out of this, what would I learn from this,

892
00:47:48.719 --> 00:47:49.759
<v Speaker 3>what we actually would do.

893
00:47:49.680 --> 00:47:52.479
<v Speaker 2>Differently, rather than on just the question of.

894
00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:55.399
<v Speaker 3>Like where is my kid in the distribution, which could

895
00:47:55.440 --> 00:47:57.440
<v Speaker 3>be something of interest to you but is actually not

896
00:47:57.560 --> 00:47:58.440
<v Speaker 3>decision relevant.

897
00:48:00.040 --> 00:48:05.600
<v Speaker 7>Okay, next question, Hey, Emily, I've been hearing a lot

898
00:48:05.600 --> 00:48:10.360
<v Speaker 7>of conversations lately about childcare and how the US childcare

899
00:48:10.400 --> 00:48:13.400
<v Speaker 7>system is very broken and messed up, as we all know.

900
00:48:13.840 --> 00:48:15.560
<v Speaker 7>But one thing I feel like I never hear about

901
00:48:15.680 --> 00:48:19.520
<v Speaker 7>is the role of grandparents when it comes to childcare

902
00:48:20.400 --> 00:48:22.279
<v Speaker 7>because I feel like I know so many parents with

903
00:48:22.320 --> 00:48:26.839
<v Speaker 7>young kids where grandparents play a pretty major role in

904
00:48:26.920 --> 00:48:31.640
<v Speaker 7>their childcare setup. And then I also know many people

905
00:48:31.680 --> 00:48:35.359
<v Speaker 7>who don't have grandparents or active grandparents to help. So

906
00:48:36.400 --> 00:48:39.359
<v Speaker 7>how many people are actually relying on grandparents for their

907
00:48:39.400 --> 00:48:42.480
<v Speaker 7>childcare needs? And is this something that's sort of like

908
00:48:42.560 --> 00:48:47.360
<v Speaker 7>invisible when we look at kind of like the labor

909
00:48:47.560 --> 00:48:49.840
<v Speaker 7>and economic implications of childcare?

910
00:48:50.480 --> 00:48:50.880
<v Speaker 11>Thank you?

911
00:48:52.680 --> 00:48:56.080
<v Speaker 3>So this is super interesting question. So are there is

912
00:48:56.080 --> 00:48:59.959
<v Speaker 3>some data on this? So the ARP surveys old people

913
00:49:00.480 --> 00:49:04.160
<v Speaker 3>older excuse me, older of people, and about sixty percent

914
00:49:04.200 --> 00:49:06.839
<v Speaker 3>of them say that they provide some care for their grandchildren,

915
00:49:06.880 --> 00:49:09.440
<v Speaker 3>and about forty thirty five percent say that they provide

916
00:49:09.480 --> 00:49:12.719
<v Speaker 3>some regular childcare, and something like sort of other data

917
00:49:12.719 --> 00:49:14.359
<v Speaker 3>like a quarter of kids under the age of five

918
00:49:14.520 --> 00:49:18.240
<v Speaker 3>have grandparents as a core source of childcare. So usually

919
00:49:18.280 --> 00:49:22.160
<v Speaker 3>this is quite an important part of the childcare market.

920
00:49:23.200 --> 00:49:27.120
<v Speaker 3>It is also a place where I think people's experiences

921
00:49:28.760 --> 00:49:32.040
<v Speaker 3>can be amazing, they can be complicated, Like, there are

922
00:49:32.040 --> 00:49:34.520
<v Speaker 3>a lot of good ways to have childcare, of which

923
00:49:34.600 --> 00:49:36.880
<v Speaker 3>this is one of them. So I'd actually be curious,

924
00:49:37.080 --> 00:49:39.040
<v Speaker 3>like to pull the audience on this one and see

925
00:49:39.160 --> 00:49:43.879
<v Speaker 3>what people what people are actually doing with their grandparent time.

926
00:49:44.640 --> 00:49:47.320
<v Speaker 6>Okay, so we've got a quorum of your own team

927
00:49:47.480 --> 00:49:50.680
<v Speaker 6>here at parent Data to help you out. Everyone say

928
00:49:50.719 --> 00:49:51.360
<v Speaker 6>hi to Emily.

929
00:49:52.480 --> 00:49:52.880
<v Speaker 11>Emily.

930
00:49:53.280 --> 00:49:55.879
<v Speaker 2>All right, guys, I need some help. I put out

931
00:49:55.920 --> 00:49:56.920
<v Speaker 2>some numbers.

932
00:49:57.000 --> 00:50:01.200
<v Speaker 3>We have some numbers on the share of grandparents who

933
00:50:01.280 --> 00:50:04.680
<v Speaker 3>are helpful. But I would love to know how you

934
00:50:04.719 --> 00:50:08.840
<v Speaker 3>guys use your grandparents or don't use them, if the

935
00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:09.279
<v Speaker 3>case may be.

936
00:50:10.520 --> 00:50:12.200
<v Speaker 2>So let's go.

937
00:50:12.840 --> 00:50:16.280
<v Speaker 17>Yeah, So we have used our grandparents a few different ways.

938
00:50:16.520 --> 00:50:19.319
<v Speaker 17>The first was before I went back to work and

939
00:50:19.320 --> 00:50:22.040
<v Speaker 17>my husband went back to work. We kind of used

940
00:50:22.080 --> 00:50:25.280
<v Speaker 17>grandparents to bridge the gap before our nanny share began.

941
00:50:25.480 --> 00:50:26.880
<v Speaker 11>So my parents came for a few.

942
00:50:26.760 --> 00:50:29.799
<v Speaker 17>Weeks, and then my husband's parents watched her for a

943
00:50:29.800 --> 00:50:32.800
<v Speaker 17>few weeks also, but on a more regular basis.

944
00:50:33.120 --> 00:50:34.759
<v Speaker 11>She goes every week.

945
00:50:34.600 --> 00:50:37.720
<v Speaker 2>On Wednesdays to her grandparents once.

946
00:50:37.520 --> 00:50:40.480
<v Speaker 17>A week, which helps us offset the cost a bit

947
00:50:40.520 --> 00:50:43.000
<v Speaker 17>of our nanny share. And then also gives her time

948
00:50:43.160 --> 00:50:45.399
<v Speaker 17>and them time to get to know each other.

949
00:50:45.800 --> 00:50:49.400
<v Speaker 5>So my grandparents' situation is a little different because we

950
00:50:49.560 --> 00:50:52.480
<v Speaker 5>don't live in the same state as either sets of grandparents,

951
00:50:52.560 --> 00:50:55.200
<v Speaker 5>so my dad has actually never met the girls, and

952
00:50:55.280 --> 00:50:59.680
<v Speaker 5>my mom comes every few months to visit. My husband's

953
00:51:00.200 --> 00:51:02.399
<v Speaker 5>parents live in a different state, and so we don't

954
00:51:02.440 --> 00:51:04.840
<v Speaker 5>really have that option, though it would be really nice

955
00:51:04.960 --> 00:51:08.759
<v Speaker 5>to have that to offset the cost of childcare, it's

956
00:51:08.800 --> 00:51:09.680
<v Speaker 5>just not something that's.

957
00:51:09.520 --> 00:51:10.279
<v Speaker 2>Available to us.

958
00:51:11.239 --> 00:51:14.760
<v Speaker 23>We do virtual and travel. My mom lives across the country,

959
00:51:14.800 --> 00:51:17.279
<v Speaker 23>but if I were going to go to weddings a lot,

960
00:51:17.320 --> 00:51:20.560
<v Speaker 23>and like recently went to California and we blew her out.

961
00:51:20.600 --> 00:51:22.360
<v Speaker 23>She's never been to California, so blew her out to

962
00:51:22.400 --> 00:51:24.520
<v Speaker 23>watch Ivy while we went to a wedding, and it's

963
00:51:24.560 --> 00:51:26.880
<v Speaker 23>like a family vacation, so like there's a treat for

964
00:51:26.920 --> 00:51:28.920
<v Speaker 23>her and like it's also a little bit of a

965
00:51:28.960 --> 00:51:31.200
<v Speaker 23>relief for us. But like, virtually, if I need a

966
00:51:31.239 --> 00:51:33.440
<v Speaker 23>second to myself, I set up the iPad and she

967
00:51:33.480 --> 00:51:36.399
<v Speaker 23>just talks to her grandma, which helps tremendously. And that's

968
00:51:36.440 --> 00:51:38.200
<v Speaker 23>like every day, sometimes three times a day.

969
00:51:38.400 --> 00:51:38.879
<v Speaker 6>It's nice.

970
00:51:39.280 --> 00:51:42.400
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, can I just interject and say, this is exactly

971
00:51:42.440 --> 00:51:45.920
<v Speaker 3>what my son does with his grandfather. He will like

972
00:51:46.120 --> 00:51:50.239
<v Speaker 3>get on the iPad FaceTime Grandpa also his cousin and

973
00:51:50.280 --> 00:51:53.719
<v Speaker 3>so it's like the two cousins and Grandpa like and

974
00:51:53.800 --> 00:51:57.000
<v Speaker 3>they'll just sit there for like forty five minutes just

975
00:51:57.040 --> 00:51:57.880
<v Speaker 3>like chatting.

976
00:51:58.800 --> 00:52:01.320
<v Speaker 2>Is it play roadblock? Yes, it's amazing.

977
00:52:02.560 --> 00:52:04.720
<v Speaker 24>So my parents are an hour and a half away,

978
00:52:04.840 --> 00:52:07.640
<v Speaker 24>and my husband's parents are three hours away, so we

979
00:52:07.680 --> 00:52:11.439
<v Speaker 24>don't have any sort of like regular childcare help from them,

980
00:52:11.520 --> 00:52:14.399
<v Speaker 24>but where they really come in handy as if we're

981
00:52:14.400 --> 00:52:17.400
<v Speaker 24>going on any sort of trip, they will either come

982
00:52:18.040 --> 00:52:22.040
<v Speaker 24>and stay at our house or we will take our

983
00:52:22.080 --> 00:52:25.759
<v Speaker 24>one in, our one year old to them for the

984
00:52:25.880 --> 00:52:29.439
<v Speaker 24>duration for the weekend or for the week and that's

985
00:52:29.480 --> 00:52:30.480
<v Speaker 24>been super helpful.

986
00:52:31.560 --> 00:52:34.799
<v Speaker 20>We love our grandparents. My mother in law, she's only

987
00:52:34.840 --> 00:52:37.600
<v Speaker 20>about fifteen minutes away and we don't rely on her

988
00:52:37.640 --> 00:52:40.200
<v Speaker 20>for regular childcare, but she's there if we need anything.

989
00:52:40.280 --> 00:52:42.759
<v Speaker 20>So if the nanty sick, she'll kind of pitch in.

990
00:52:44.160 --> 00:52:46.239
<v Speaker 20>And you know, she was there when I had my

991
00:52:46.360 --> 00:52:50.879
<v Speaker 20>second son. She watched the oldest for a couple of nights,

992
00:52:50.880 --> 00:52:53.560
<v Speaker 20>so it's great to have that support. And then my

993
00:52:53.640 --> 00:52:56.040
<v Speaker 20>parents are unfortunately in California, but we do lots of

994
00:52:56.120 --> 00:52:58.520
<v Speaker 20>virtual facetimes, and I know my mom would hop on

995
00:52:58.560 --> 00:53:01.160
<v Speaker 20>a plane in a second if I needed to, So

996
00:53:01.360 --> 00:53:04.240
<v Speaker 20>the support is great, although not regular childcare.

997
00:53:05.000 --> 00:53:08.120
<v Speaker 25>So we actually have a unique situation that I feel

998
00:53:08.120 --> 00:53:11.399
<v Speaker 25>like is not very typical where both sets of grandparents

999
00:53:11.480 --> 00:53:17.000
<v Speaker 25>live like fifteen minutes from us, but unfortunately, due to

1000
00:53:17.120 --> 00:53:21.000
<v Speaker 25>like a number of different factors, including some health issues,

1001
00:53:22.560 --> 00:53:27.080
<v Speaker 25>none of our parents can help with childcare. So it's

1002
00:53:27.160 --> 00:53:30.680
<v Speaker 25>kind of a bittersweet situation where in theory it would

1003
00:53:30.719 --> 00:53:34.560
<v Speaker 25>be really great to have them so close, but they

1004
00:53:34.600 --> 00:53:38.799
<v Speaker 25>actually can't really help a lot. I will say, you know,

1005
00:53:39.040 --> 00:53:42.040
<v Speaker 25>when we do need something in a pinch, if you

1006
00:53:42.040 --> 00:53:45.160
<v Speaker 25>know there's something going on and we don't have our

1007
00:53:45.160 --> 00:53:49.919
<v Speaker 25>regular childcare, certainly you know all parents would offer to help,

1008
00:53:49.960 --> 00:53:53.080
<v Speaker 25>but it's not something that we can like safely rely on.

1009
00:53:53.440 --> 00:53:55.680
<v Speaker 4>So my my husband is an orphan and does not

1010
00:53:55.719 --> 00:54:02.279
<v Speaker 4>bring any grandparents to our situation, but my parents more

1011
00:54:02.360 --> 00:54:05.560
<v Speaker 4>than make up for it. My mom drives from New

1012
00:54:05.640 --> 00:54:10.200
<v Speaker 4>York City to Philadelphia every week. She arrives Tuesday morning

1013
00:54:10.200 --> 00:54:13.320
<v Speaker 4>and time for breakfast, and spends the night and leaves

1014
00:54:13.560 --> 00:54:16.560
<v Speaker 4>Wednesday around four o'clock.

1015
00:54:17.640 --> 00:54:18.280
<v Speaker 2>She has.

1016
00:54:19.120 --> 00:54:21.360
<v Speaker 4>She would fault me if I did not clarify that

1017
00:54:21.400 --> 00:54:25.640
<v Speaker 4>she has not missed a week since Leanna was born.

1018
00:54:25.840 --> 00:54:28.720
<v Speaker 4>My dad also recently retired and is more than willing

1019
00:54:28.760 --> 00:54:32.040
<v Speaker 4>to hop on a train and be here whenever we

1020
00:54:32.080 --> 00:54:35.399
<v Speaker 4>need him. In fact, this week, our nanny is going

1021
00:54:35.400 --> 00:54:39.080
<v Speaker 4>away and my parents are kind of tag teaming days

1022
00:54:39.120 --> 00:54:42.279
<v Speaker 4>of coverage. So while we do not live in the

1023
00:54:42.360 --> 00:54:46.520
<v Speaker 4>same place, they are really rock stars.

1024
00:54:47.360 --> 00:54:50.360
<v Speaker 6>What do you feel like grandparents bring to the mix

1025
00:54:50.560 --> 00:54:54.080
<v Speaker 6>in terms of taking care of your kids that you

1026
00:54:54.120 --> 00:54:58.160
<v Speaker 6>can't necessarily offer yourself chaos?

1027
00:54:58.400 --> 00:55:01.160
<v Speaker 2>Oh sorry, it wasn't a question to me, Branna.

1028
00:55:03.800 --> 00:55:04.880
<v Speaker 11>That is a good answer.

1029
00:55:05.280 --> 00:55:13.000
<v Speaker 17>I would say, like a lightness and silliness. Honestly, I

1030
00:55:13.040 --> 00:55:16.360
<v Speaker 17>also have FaceTime up a lot during dinner time, especially

1031
00:55:16.360 --> 00:55:19.879
<v Speaker 17>when my husband's working nights. I'm getting dinner ready and

1032
00:55:19.960 --> 00:55:23.560
<v Speaker 17>my daughter is facetiming with my parents, and she's very

1033
00:55:23.560 --> 00:55:28.160
<v Speaker 17>playful with them, even through a screen, and they aren't

1034
00:55:28.200 --> 00:55:31.160
<v Speaker 17>worried about all of the things that could go wrong

1035
00:55:31.800 --> 00:55:33.960
<v Speaker 17>or trying to, you know, check a box of all

1036
00:55:34.000 --> 00:55:36.439
<v Speaker 17>of the to do lists that I have that day,

1037
00:55:37.200 --> 00:55:38.520
<v Speaker 17>and yeah, it's fun.

1038
00:55:39.480 --> 00:55:42.319
<v Speaker 23>My mom is Querto Rican, so Spanish, she speaks more.

1039
00:55:42.320 --> 00:55:44.840
<v Speaker 23>She's more fluent in it than I am. So my

1040
00:55:44.920 --> 00:55:47.080
<v Speaker 23>husband and I are like my husband's Jewish white guy

1041
00:55:47.840 --> 00:55:50.560
<v Speaker 23>bles us already tries, but we are trying so hard.

1042
00:55:50.600 --> 00:55:52.040
<v Speaker 23>We have a books and stuff. But my mom is

1043
00:55:52.040 --> 00:55:54.760
<v Speaker 23>like so fluent, like teaches her so much. She's teaching

1044
00:55:54.800 --> 00:55:56.600
<v Speaker 23>her how to roll her r's and stuff. So that's

1045
00:55:56.680 --> 00:55:58.120
<v Speaker 23>like clutch for for me.

1046
00:55:58.840 --> 00:56:02.080
<v Speaker 24>This will be more developed as my child gets older.

1047
00:56:02.120 --> 00:56:05.719
<v Speaker 24>But my parents live on a farm with horses and

1048
00:56:06.320 --> 00:56:11.920
<v Speaker 24>like twelve cats, and they just acquired chickens and everything

1049
00:56:11.920 --> 00:56:15.279
<v Speaker 24>they get. They say it's in anticipation of my son

1050
00:56:15.920 --> 00:56:17.120
<v Speaker 24>spending more time there.

1051
00:56:17.239 --> 00:56:20.160
<v Speaker 2>So it's I mean, we live, we live in.

1052
00:56:20.080 --> 00:56:24.200
<v Speaker 24>A small city, so that's just a whole different lifestyle

1053
00:56:24.239 --> 00:56:25.719
<v Speaker 24>for him to be able to go up there and

1054
00:56:26.280 --> 00:56:27.920
<v Speaker 24>be in the grass and play with the chickens and

1055
00:56:27.960 --> 00:56:28.520
<v Speaker 24>the horses.

1056
00:56:28.760 --> 00:56:33.480
<v Speaker 4>I think my parents bring an attention spam that I lack.

1057
00:56:34.640 --> 00:56:39.120
<v Speaker 4>They are both retired and don't really you know, they

1058
00:56:39.120 --> 00:56:42.160
<v Speaker 4>don't have distractions. They're just like entirely focused on her

1059
00:56:42.480 --> 00:56:48.600
<v Speaker 4>and I do not have that level of capacity that

1060
00:56:48.640 --> 00:56:53.319
<v Speaker 4>they have. Should I say that again without a toddler.

1061
00:56:53.640 --> 00:57:00.080
<v Speaker 2>No, that's perfect. So good a great Thanks team, amazing.

1062
00:57:00.200 --> 00:57:04.400
<v Speaker 6>They're so great. Next question, Hi, this is Jessica.

1063
00:57:05.160 --> 00:57:08.600
<v Speaker 26>I'm curious about what age is inappropriate to have children

1064
00:57:08.640 --> 00:57:12.120
<v Speaker 26>of mixed genders being together. I'm also curious about when

1065
00:57:12.360 --> 00:57:16.200
<v Speaker 26>parents just stop showering with their children of same gender

1066
00:57:16.320 --> 00:57:18.000
<v Speaker 26>and different genders. Thanks so much.

1067
00:57:19.440 --> 00:57:21.840
<v Speaker 3>This isn't something that is amenable to data. This is

1068
00:57:21.880 --> 00:57:25.040
<v Speaker 3>really a very culturally oriented question. There are there are

1069
00:57:25.120 --> 00:57:29.120
<v Speaker 3>cultures where everyone is naked together a lot. There are

1070
00:57:29.120 --> 00:57:31.280
<v Speaker 3>cultures where people don't like to be naked. So in

1071
00:57:31.320 --> 00:57:33.960
<v Speaker 3>the US people tend to be like less naked. In

1072
00:57:34.680 --> 00:57:36.960
<v Speaker 3>Europe they're like more naked.

1073
00:57:37.680 --> 00:57:37.880
<v Speaker 16>You know.

1074
00:57:37.920 --> 00:57:41.000
<v Speaker 3>There are I have a friend where like he went

1075
00:57:41.080 --> 00:57:43.080
<v Speaker 3>for like to live with the family.

1076
00:57:43.320 --> 00:57:45.440
<v Speaker 2>Well whatever, I'm gonna tell the story. It's totally insane.

1077
00:57:45.680 --> 00:57:48.680
<v Speaker 2>Scratch that. So there are cultures. There's a huge amounts

1078
00:57:48.680 --> 00:57:49.400
<v Speaker 2>of variation in this.

1079
00:57:50.520 --> 00:57:55.160
<v Speaker 3>The general advice is, like it is, being naked is

1080
00:57:55.240 --> 00:57:57.560
<v Speaker 3>fine as long as everyone is comfortable with it, and

1081
00:57:57.600 --> 00:58:00.120
<v Speaker 3>that means as long as you're comfortable with it, as

1082
00:58:00.120 --> 00:58:01.919
<v Speaker 3>long as your kids are comfortable with it. Most people

1083
00:58:01.960 --> 00:58:04.960
<v Speaker 3>will find as their kids age into puberty they will

1084
00:58:05.360 --> 00:58:10.560
<v Speaker 3>become uncomfortable being naked around their parents, maybe more one

1085
00:58:10.600 --> 00:58:13.560
<v Speaker 3>parent than another. Some parents will tell me, like I

1086
00:58:13.560 --> 00:58:17.240
<v Speaker 3>don't want to be naked around my kids, and like

1087
00:58:17.280 --> 00:58:19.000
<v Speaker 3>even in my household, like my husband would never be

1088
00:58:19.080 --> 00:58:21.120
<v Speaker 3>naked around our kids, And I have no problem being

1089
00:58:21.160 --> 00:58:24.160
<v Speaker 3>naked around anyone. And it's just like that, and you know,

1090
00:58:24.240 --> 00:58:26.360
<v Speaker 3>but I also try to be sensitive to like whether

1091
00:58:26.400 --> 00:58:28.720
<v Speaker 3>my kids are comfortable with it and so on. But

1092
00:58:28.880 --> 00:58:32.120
<v Speaker 3>it's it's like totally personal in some ways, like totally

1093
00:58:32.160 --> 00:58:35.960
<v Speaker 3>personal preference and just making sure that you're respecting your

1094
00:58:36.080 --> 00:58:37.440
<v Speaker 3>kids and your own boundaries.

1095
00:58:38.080 --> 00:58:39.760
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I wish you'd told me that this was going

1096
00:58:39.800 --> 00:58:41.200
<v Speaker 6>to be a topless podcast recording.

1097
00:58:42.440 --> 00:58:44.880
<v Speaker 2>Well, look, Tamar, you know I can't tell you everything.

1098
00:58:47.240 --> 00:58:51.280
<v Speaker 6>Okay, last question, And I saved this for last because

1099
00:58:51.360 --> 00:58:55.880
<v Speaker 6>I feel like this this caller really understands what you do.

1100
00:58:56.680 --> 00:58:59.480
<v Speaker 6>And I think this is a really good question to.

1101
00:58:59.800 --> 00:59:02.400
<v Speaker 2>Being naked isn't about anything podcasting?

1102
00:59:03.320 --> 00:59:05.280
<v Speaker 6>No, none of us knew about that.

1103
00:59:05.280 --> 00:59:05.960
<v Speaker 2>That's a surprise.

1104
00:59:06.000 --> 00:59:09.560
<v Speaker 27>Okay, Hi there, I'm Catherine and Mama from Canada.

1105
00:59:10.680 --> 00:59:12.840
<v Speaker 1>I have a toddler who is.

1106
00:59:12.840 --> 00:59:14.520
<v Speaker 27>Joyfully exploring the world.

1107
00:59:14.560 --> 00:59:16.280
<v Speaker 1>She loves to run and jump and climb.

1108
00:59:17.360 --> 00:59:19.960
<v Speaker 27>I think of myself as being a little bit anxious.

1109
00:59:20.600 --> 00:59:24.919
<v Speaker 1>And I know that Emily.

1110
00:59:24.600 --> 00:59:28.880
<v Speaker 27>You've talked about risk that's really evident and visible, like

1111
00:59:28.920 --> 00:59:30.920
<v Speaker 27>physical risk, and then all the other risks that are

1112
00:59:30.960 --> 00:59:33.880
<v Speaker 27>harder to see. So like if I am helicoptering my

1113
00:59:34.400 --> 00:59:37.000
<v Speaker 27>kiddo and we'll let her climb anything at the park

1114
00:59:37.280 --> 00:59:39.920
<v Speaker 27>because I'm scared of the physical risk, there's other risks

1115
00:59:39.960 --> 00:59:43.160
<v Speaker 27>to say, her independence and her self confidence. So my

1116
00:59:43.280 --> 00:59:48.240
<v Speaker 27>question is about how do we as parents go about

1117
00:59:49.480 --> 00:59:55.120
<v Speaker 27>making those decisions about what is healthy developmental risky play

1118
00:59:55.760 --> 00:59:59.120
<v Speaker 27>where we talk about you know, water and heights and

1119
00:59:59.360 --> 01:00:04.200
<v Speaker 27>distance from parents, things like that, versus what.

1120
01:00:04.240 --> 01:00:05.280
<v Speaker 1>Is straight up dangerous.

1121
01:00:07.200 --> 01:00:10.000
<v Speaker 27>I don't even know if this is answerable really because

1122
01:00:10.000 --> 01:00:13.680
<v Speaker 27>there's so many different situations to think of, But I

1123
01:00:13.720 --> 01:00:16.160
<v Speaker 27>find myself grappling with that all the time. What is

1124
01:00:16.200 --> 01:00:20.480
<v Speaker 27>a healthy risk that I should allow my kiddo to

1125
01:00:20.560 --> 01:00:23.000
<v Speaker 27>engage in and what is just straight up dangerous? And

1126
01:00:23.040 --> 01:00:25.080
<v Speaker 27>how do I start to determine that so I can

1127
01:00:25.160 --> 01:00:28.880
<v Speaker 27>give her the opportunity to engage in risky play but

1128
01:00:29.000 --> 01:00:29.880
<v Speaker 27>also not be.

1129
01:00:31.080 --> 01:00:33.960
<v Speaker 1>Uh, what's the word like negligent?

1130
01:00:34.560 --> 01:00:35.160
<v Speaker 2>Maybe?

1131
01:00:36.240 --> 01:00:38.320
<v Speaker 27>Thank you so much for all the work that you do.

1132
01:00:39.560 --> 01:00:44.080
<v Speaker 27>You've been such a guiding light in preconception and conception

1133
01:00:44.160 --> 01:00:46.760
<v Speaker 27>and pregnancy and my kiddo and beyond.

1134
01:00:46.760 --> 01:00:47.240
<v Speaker 1>So thank you.

1135
01:00:48.280 --> 01:00:50.880
<v Speaker 3>So I want to start with a couple of things,

1136
01:00:50.960 --> 01:00:53.360
<v Speaker 3>which like when people ask like what are you worry about?

1137
01:00:53.360 --> 01:00:56.080
<v Speaker 3>Like what is dangerous or probably worth saying? So there

1138
01:00:56.080 --> 01:00:58.120
<v Speaker 3>are things in the world that are dangerous for kids,

1139
01:00:58.960 --> 01:01:04.080
<v Speaker 3>cars and pools being kind of two central ones. It's

1140
01:01:04.200 --> 01:01:06.960
<v Speaker 3>very difficult to think about the car risks because so

1141
01:01:07.040 --> 01:01:09.120
<v Speaker 3>much of the risks we have with vehicles are just

1142
01:01:09.320 --> 01:01:12.000
<v Speaker 3>when you're driving in a vehicle, it's it's risky. But

1143
01:01:12.080 --> 01:01:13.960
<v Speaker 3>I would say, you know, making sure your kid is

1144
01:01:14.000 --> 01:01:17.160
<v Speaker 3>not playing in a street full of like fast cars

1145
01:01:17.360 --> 01:01:21.120
<v Speaker 3>is a sort of baseline, like not negligent pools are.

1146
01:01:21.400 --> 01:01:24.240
<v Speaker 3>I think actually something where people or lakes or whatever

1147
01:01:24.760 --> 01:01:27.880
<v Speaker 3>are is a place where we probably under in some

1148
01:01:27.920 --> 01:01:31.400
<v Speaker 3>ways under supervise. Actually, like even for a kid who

1149
01:01:31.400 --> 01:01:35.040
<v Speaker 3>can swim, they should really be there should be another person,

1150
01:01:35.280 --> 01:01:37.520
<v Speaker 3>and certainly for a small child there should be supervision

1151
01:01:37.560 --> 01:01:41.040
<v Speaker 3>all the time around sources of water because drowning actually

1152
01:01:41.160 --> 01:01:44.120
<v Speaker 3>is very scary. So I think those are places where

1153
01:01:44.120 --> 01:01:46.080
<v Speaker 3>I kind of put the guardrails and say, like I

1154
01:01:46.160 --> 01:01:48.720
<v Speaker 3>definitely wouldn't say the way to introduce.

1155
01:01:49.760 --> 01:01:51.520
<v Speaker 2>You know, independence for your kid is to have them

1156
01:01:51.520 --> 01:01:56.040
<v Speaker 2>swim alone. That that's not it. On these other things.

1157
01:01:56.560 --> 01:02:00.880
<v Speaker 3>I think it's it's very hard because the first step.

1158
01:02:00.520 --> 01:02:01.960
<v Speaker 2>Always is going to feel risky.

1159
01:02:02.360 --> 01:02:03.960
<v Speaker 3>So what I would tell people is like, if you

1160
01:02:04.000 --> 01:02:07.680
<v Speaker 3>are at the playground and you feel like I am

1161
01:02:07.840 --> 01:02:12.320
<v Speaker 3>over I am over doing it on how much I'm

1162
01:02:12.400 --> 01:02:13.720
<v Speaker 3>in it with mikel which I think you can so

1163
01:02:13.840 --> 01:02:15.120
<v Speaker 3>we can sort of you and be like I think,

1164
01:02:15.360 --> 01:02:17.080
<v Speaker 3>I think maybe I want to dial it back. Just

1165
01:02:17.400 --> 01:02:20.040
<v Speaker 3>try dialing it back once. Try dialing it back a

1166
01:02:20.120 --> 01:02:23.200
<v Speaker 3>little bit, you know, do the like whatever is the

1167
01:02:23.200 --> 01:02:27.840
<v Speaker 3>equivalent of stepping three steps back. Don't assume that your

1168
01:02:27.880 --> 01:02:31.240
<v Speaker 3>first step here is going to be like telling your kid,

1169
01:02:31.400 --> 01:02:32.520
<v Speaker 3>you know, hey, hang out of the park for a

1170
01:02:32.560 --> 01:02:34.560
<v Speaker 3>few minutes. I'm going to get like an ice cream

1171
01:02:34.640 --> 01:02:36.600
<v Speaker 3>over here. You know, that's not going to be the

1172
01:02:36.600 --> 01:02:38.360
<v Speaker 3>first thing you can do. Maybe the first thing you

1173
01:02:38.360 --> 01:02:39.880
<v Speaker 3>can do is sit on the bench a little more.

1174
01:02:39.920 --> 01:02:41.959
<v Speaker 3>Maybe the second thing you can do is like bring

1175
01:02:42.000 --> 01:02:43.240
<v Speaker 3>a book and read a book.

1176
01:02:43.120 --> 01:02:44.800
<v Speaker 2>On the bench. Maybe the third thing you can do

1177
01:02:44.880 --> 01:02:47.120
<v Speaker 2>is step a little bit further away. Whatever it is.

1178
01:02:47.760 --> 01:02:51.640
<v Speaker 3>Because so much of giving our kids this more independence

1179
01:02:51.680 --> 01:02:54.960
<v Speaker 3>and being comfortable with it is the experience.

1180
01:02:54.440 --> 01:02:54.920
<v Speaker 2>Of doing it.

1181
01:02:55.280 --> 01:02:57.200
<v Speaker 3>And this comes up when we talk about giving bigger

1182
01:02:57.240 --> 01:02:59.640
<v Speaker 3>kids more independence. You know, almost everyone you talk to

1183
01:03:00.200 --> 01:03:02.280
<v Speaker 3>who is like I wanted my kid to walk home

1184
01:03:02.280 --> 01:03:04.760
<v Speaker 3>from school or go to walk to school themselves, they

1185
01:03:04.840 --> 01:03:06.960
<v Speaker 3>will tell you the first time they did it, I

1186
01:03:07.000 --> 01:03:07.640
<v Speaker 3>was terrified.

1187
01:03:07.920 --> 01:03:09.240
<v Speaker 2>You know, even people.

1188
01:03:09.040 --> 01:03:11.920
<v Speaker 3>Who are very much on the forefront of pushing this

1189
01:03:12.000 --> 01:03:14.680
<v Speaker 3>out even the public conversation, will tell you the first

1190
01:03:14.680 --> 01:03:17.280
<v Speaker 3>time I had my kid do this, I was like

1191
01:03:17.480 --> 01:03:19.960
<v Speaker 3>panicked the entire time until I heard they were okay.

1192
01:03:20.160 --> 01:03:22.360
<v Speaker 2>But by the third time it was fine. And I

1193
01:03:22.400 --> 01:03:25.160
<v Speaker 2>think that's part of this adaptation that are our kind

1194
01:03:25.200 --> 01:03:26.640
<v Speaker 2>of emotional selves need.

1195
01:03:27.480 --> 01:03:29.800
<v Speaker 3>Even no matter how much data I can give you,

1196
01:03:30.720 --> 01:03:35.000
<v Speaker 3>humans like experience and emotion, we learn from that more

1197
01:03:35.040 --> 01:03:38.760
<v Speaker 3>than we can learn from data. And if you step

1198
01:03:38.800 --> 01:03:41.840
<v Speaker 3>three steps back and your kid goes down the slide

1199
01:03:42.200 --> 01:03:45.640
<v Speaker 3>by themselves or climbs up the rock wall by themselves

1200
01:03:45.680 --> 01:03:50.360
<v Speaker 3>and nothing happens, which is the vast, vast, vast vast likelihood,

1201
01:03:50.640 --> 01:03:52.800
<v Speaker 3>that's going to give you more confidence next time to

1202
01:03:52.800 --> 01:03:54.600
<v Speaker 3>step a little bit further back. So I would say,

1203
01:03:54.640 --> 01:03:59.600
<v Speaker 3>just you know, holding yourself to the standard of small

1204
01:03:59.680 --> 01:04:03.400
<v Speaker 3>changes and giving yourself all the time is going to

1205
01:04:03.480 --> 01:04:06.360
<v Speaker 3>help think about this and then also always supervise them

1206
01:04:06.360 --> 01:04:07.360
<v Speaker 3>around pools.

1207
01:04:08.200 --> 01:04:11.080
<v Speaker 6>Like we stop thinking that we can learn from our

1208
01:04:11.120 --> 01:04:15.480
<v Speaker 6>own discomfort. Yeah, that if we're uncomfortable, then as parents,

1209
01:04:16.080 --> 01:04:19.760
<v Speaker 6>then that must be telling us something really important. And

1210
01:04:19.800 --> 01:04:22.840
<v Speaker 6>I think we take the wrong message away that that

1211
01:04:22.920 --> 01:04:28.040
<v Speaker 6>discomfort is a part of that whole process of separating.

1212
01:04:27.840 --> 01:04:30.400
<v Speaker 2>Totally, and it's like the hardest part. I mean it's like, really,

1213
01:04:31.240 --> 01:04:32.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I don't want my kid to be sad.

1214
01:04:32.640 --> 01:04:35.040
<v Speaker 3>I don't want it, like I don't want I don't

1215
01:04:35.040 --> 01:04:35.960
<v Speaker 3>want them to be scared.

1216
01:04:36.160 --> 01:04:38.240
<v Speaker 2>I don't want anything to happen.

1217
01:04:38.280 --> 01:04:40.120
<v Speaker 3>I think part of this is part of the realizing

1218
01:04:40.160 --> 01:04:43.520
<v Speaker 3>the invisible risk is like something is happening if you're

1219
01:04:43.520 --> 01:04:45.760
<v Speaker 3>not doing this, And I think that's because you can't

1220
01:04:45.760 --> 01:04:46.280
<v Speaker 3>see it.

1221
01:04:46.280 --> 01:04:47.080
<v Speaker 2>It's hard to see.

1222
01:04:47.560 --> 01:04:48.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

1223
01:04:48.200 --> 01:04:52.120
<v Speaker 6>Throughout this whole conversation, I've been thinking about podcast episodes

1224
01:04:52.120 --> 01:04:53.919
<v Speaker 6>that we've done. I mean, this is our our year

1225
01:04:54.000 --> 01:04:58.320
<v Speaker 6>podversary look back, and the one that always comes to

1226
01:04:58.400 --> 01:05:02.919
<v Speaker 6>mind actually to me, is conversation with Nate Fox about risk.

1227
01:05:03.760 --> 01:05:04.200
<v Speaker 22>Yeah.

1228
01:05:04.280 --> 01:05:07.479
<v Speaker 6>I think that that's something that is worthwhile for any

1229
01:05:07.520 --> 01:05:10.080
<v Speaker 6>parent to go back and listen to and think about

1230
01:05:10.120 --> 01:05:14.760
<v Speaker 6>just how poorly as human beings we can actually process risk.

1231
01:05:14.800 --> 01:05:17.880
<v Speaker 6>I mean, that's what economists are for, and I think,

1232
01:05:19.040 --> 01:05:24.480
<v Speaker 6>well to non economists. Yeah, and I think that that

1233
01:05:24.600 --> 01:05:27.880
<v Speaker 6>taking a step back and you know, kind of letting

1234
01:05:28.760 --> 01:05:33.120
<v Speaker 6>data calm you down and fill in that missing part

1235
01:05:33.160 --> 01:05:36.400
<v Speaker 6>of our brain that is really good at processing risk.

1236
01:05:37.040 --> 01:05:39.200
<v Speaker 6>I mean, I think that's why you have the audience

1237
01:05:39.320 --> 01:05:47.640
<v Speaker 6>you do. Thanks for being here tomorrow, Thanks for having me, Emily.

1238
01:05:48.120 --> 01:05:48.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

1239
01:05:48.440 --> 01:05:51.400
<v Speaker 3>I love answering questions. This is great fun. And thanks

1240
01:05:51.440 --> 01:05:53.200
<v Speaker 3>everybody for asking such good questions.

1241
01:05:53.400 --> 01:05:55.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, till next time tomorrow.

1242
01:05:55.520 --> 01:05:56.560
<v Speaker 6>Till next time, Emily.

1243
01:05:57.080 --> 01:05:57.560
<v Speaker 2>I think we.

1244
01:05:57.480 --> 01:05:59.960
<v Speaker 3>Should do this before another year has passed, so hopefully

1245
01:06:00.000 --> 01:06:00.920
<v Speaker 3>we get some more questions.

1246
01:06:01.240 --> 01:06:03.360
<v Speaker 1>We'll do some more taking sounds great.

1247
01:06:03.840 --> 01:06:13.120
<v Speaker 6>Bye bye.

1248
01:06:14.800 --> 01:06:18.040
<v Speaker 3>Parent Data is produced by Tamar Avishai with support from

1249
01:06:18.080 --> 01:06:21.040
<v Speaker 3>the parent Data team and PI Rex. If you have

1250
01:06:21.120 --> 01:06:23.560
<v Speaker 3>thoughts on this episode, please join the conversation on my

1251
01:06:23.600 --> 01:06:27.320
<v Speaker 3>Instagram at Prof Emily Oster, and if you want to

1252
01:06:27.320 --> 01:06:30.120
<v Speaker 3>support the show, become a subscriber to the parent Data

1253
01:06:30.200 --> 01:06:34.160
<v Speaker 3>newsletter at parentdata dot org, where I write weekly posts

1254
01:06:34.160 --> 01:06:36.919
<v Speaker 3>on everything to do with parents and data to help

1255
01:06:36.960 --> 01:06:41.000
<v Speaker 3>you make better, more informed parenting decisions. And a reminder.

1256
01:06:41.520 --> 01:06:44.640
<v Speaker 3>I do one of these q and a's every Wednesday

1257
01:06:44.920 --> 01:06:47.600
<v Speaker 3>on my Instagram feed. So if you ask a question

1258
01:06:47.680 --> 01:06:50.920
<v Speaker 3>they didn't get answered today, or if this episode inspired

1259
01:06:50.960 --> 01:06:54.600
<v Speaker 3>you to ask a question, please join me again at

1260
01:06:54.680 --> 01:06:57.960
<v Speaker 3>prof Emilyoster. There are a lot of ways you can

1261
01:06:58.000 --> 01:07:00.360
<v Speaker 3>help people find out about us. Leave a race or

1262
01:07:00.400 --> 01:07:03.280
<v Speaker 3>a review on Apple Podcasts. Text your friend about something

1263
01:07:03.320 --> 01:07:06.080
<v Speaker 3>you learned from this episode. Debate your mother in law

1264
01:07:06.120 --> 01:07:08.480
<v Speaker 3>about the merits of something parents do now that is

1265
01:07:08.600 --> 01:07:11.440
<v Speaker 3>totally different from what she did. Close a story to

1266
01:07:11.480 --> 01:07:14.720
<v Speaker 3>your Instagram, demunking a panic headline of your own. Just

1267
01:07:14.720 --> 01:07:19.560
<v Speaker 3>remember to mention the podcast too, Write penelpe right, mom

1268
01:07:19.840 --> 01:07:20.680
<v Speaker 2>We'll see you next time.