WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.480 --> 00:00:00.840 Hello. 2 00:00:01.800 --> 00:00:06.320 Today, we are doing the third installment in some personal 3 00:00:06.400 --> 00:00:10.840 questions you guys submitted on Instagram, And as with the 4 00:00:11.000 --> 00:00:14.400 first two installments, the lovely Alex is here to ask 5 00:00:14.480 --> 00:00:15.320 me the questions. 6 00:00:15.560 --> 00:00:17.760 Alex, are you ready? I'm so ready. 7 00:00:17.840 --> 00:00:20.040 Yeah, And I want to encourage everyone, if you haven't 8 00:00:20.040 --> 00:00:22.959 heard them, to go back and listen to part one 9 00:00:23.320 --> 00:00:26.400 about Emily's marriage with Jesse and part two about her 10 00:00:26.400 --> 00:00:28.880 career and how she does it all. 11 00:00:29.040 --> 00:00:30.720 They're great today. 12 00:00:30.840 --> 00:00:34.199 It feels very appropriate. Our final installment is about parenting. 13 00:00:34.760 --> 00:00:36.400 I am doing that some of the time. 14 00:00:36.800 --> 00:00:39.680 It feels perfect to end on because I think for 15 00:00:39.720 --> 00:00:42.559 a lot of us who read your books and your newsletter, 16 00:00:42.600 --> 00:00:45.360 it feels like you're kind of the third parent in 17 00:00:45.400 --> 00:00:48.600 the house with us, and you're there in our homes, 18 00:00:48.640 --> 00:00:51.200 and so it'll be interesting to go inside your home 19 00:00:51.400 --> 00:00:54.320 for a little bit and hear about your kids and 20 00:00:54.360 --> 00:00:57.000 your journey as a parent. Let's start with some warm 21 00:00:57.040 --> 00:01:00.760 ups though that people sent in. So the first one 22 00:01:00.800 --> 00:01:03.400 is what's your favorite animated movie? 23 00:01:04.200 --> 00:01:04.640 Frozen? 24 00:01:04.720 --> 00:01:04.959 Two? 25 00:01:05.880 --> 00:01:06.920 Nice? 26 00:01:07.160 --> 00:01:09.399 Do you have any upcoming marathon plans? 27 00:01:10.560 --> 00:01:14.160 So I am running a half marathon, hopefully at the 28 00:01:14.240 --> 00:01:17.680 end of April, assuming I don't get injured, and then 29 00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:21.600 I am hoping to do what would be my first 30 00:01:21.640 --> 00:01:24.440 marathon in the fall. 31 00:01:25.120 --> 00:01:26.839 But we have to see. 32 00:01:27.520 --> 00:01:28.000 I don't know. 33 00:01:28.040 --> 00:01:29.880 That seems like a long way, so I'm still sort 34 00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:31.679 of working my way up to it emotionally. 35 00:01:33.400 --> 00:01:36.680 What's your go to daily breakfast? 36 00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:45.600 Yogurt, granola, berries, and a banana and sometimes gram crackers. Right, 37 00:01:45.880 --> 00:01:49.960 great clarification, I eat the gram crackers before I run, 38 00:01:50.400 --> 00:01:52.480 so I'm not counting that as breakfast. That's like the 39 00:01:52.480 --> 00:01:54.800 first of the fifty seven snacks that I have in 40 00:01:54.800 --> 00:01:55.200 the day. 41 00:01:55.600 --> 00:01:58.280 That's the first snack, then breakfast after I run. 42 00:01:58.640 --> 00:02:02.400 Awesome, it's important snack. Oh, this is a funny question. 43 00:02:02.480 --> 00:02:04.640 What questions annoy you the most? 44 00:02:06.240 --> 00:02:08.760 I think I can most upset when people have questions 45 00:02:08.880 --> 00:02:14.080 that just don't have any answer. And then I get 46 00:02:14.080 --> 00:02:16.079 really annoyed when people ask me questions that I think 47 00:02:16.120 --> 00:02:20.160 are mean, like like what are you like what are you. 48 00:02:20.120 --> 00:02:21.480 Doing commenting on these things? 49 00:02:22.480 --> 00:02:25.239 And sometimes I answer those questions just because I want 50 00:02:25.280 --> 00:02:27.720 to like be like I'm going high and like addressing 51 00:02:27.720 --> 00:02:30.320 these but actually, in deep inside, I'm. 52 00:02:30.160 --> 00:02:34.000 Like, f off, Yeah, that's not really a question. 53 00:02:34.280 --> 00:02:36.320 That's not exactly that's not really a question that's just 54 00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:37.680 a confrontational statement. 55 00:02:38.880 --> 00:02:40.320 Do you have any pets. 56 00:02:42.320 --> 00:02:44.640 I do not personally have any pets, but my children 57 00:02:44.720 --> 00:02:50.120 have recently acquired snails as pets, which I actually would 58 00:02:50.639 --> 00:02:55.000 highly recommend, and I'm so engaged with that. My older 59 00:02:55.080 --> 00:02:58.480 child had to tell me that I am not allowed 60 00:02:58.520 --> 00:03:00.000 to just go in her room and look at the 61 00:03:00.120 --> 00:03:03.639 snails without her permission, Like that's not She told. 62 00:03:03.440 --> 00:03:07.720 Me specifically, if you need to be with. 63 00:03:07.639 --> 00:03:10.320 The snails, you should get your own snails with your 64 00:03:10.320 --> 00:03:13.600 own money. Now, the thing is her snails were bought 65 00:03:13.680 --> 00:03:16.520 with my money, So there's like something there that I 66 00:03:16.560 --> 00:03:17.280 think is wrong. 67 00:03:17.720 --> 00:03:20.480 But at any rate, I'm really into the snails. 68 00:03:21.120 --> 00:03:23.399 Okay, last warm up question she was a good transition 69 00:03:23.440 --> 00:03:26.400 into parenting is how did you choose your kids' names? 70 00:03:28.080 --> 00:03:32.519 So my daughter, I think we both, for whatever reason, 71 00:03:32.600 --> 00:03:36.120 just like gravitated to Like we really liked Penelope. I 72 00:03:36.120 --> 00:03:40.800 think the sources you know Odysseus, and Penelope was Odysseus's 73 00:03:40.880 --> 00:03:42.920 wife in the Odyssey, So we just. 74 00:03:42.880 --> 00:03:45.440 Really liked that. Was that was easy for Finn. 75 00:03:46.200 --> 00:03:50.800 My husband really wanted an Old Testament name, but he 76 00:03:50.880 --> 00:03:53.840 also didn't want he wanted to pick a name from 77 00:03:53.880 --> 00:03:58.720 an Old Testament character whose actions he didn't find inappropriate 78 00:03:58.800 --> 00:04:01.360 in some way, and that turned out to like quite 79 00:04:01.560 --> 00:04:04.560 severely limit the set of names we considered, and so 80 00:04:04.640 --> 00:04:07.360 I was given like a short list of names that 81 00:04:07.520 --> 00:04:11.920 we thought were like acceptable, and Phineas rose to the top, 82 00:04:12.360 --> 00:04:17.440 beating out Aaron, which was the only other really consistent possibility. 83 00:04:18.400 --> 00:04:21.159 Great, So I want to start just asking you to 84 00:04:21.200 --> 00:04:23.120 tell us a little about your kids. 85 00:04:24.680 --> 00:04:25.560 I have two kids. 86 00:04:25.640 --> 00:04:28.359 One is my daughter is eleven, almost twelve, and my 87 00:04:28.400 --> 00:04:30.000 son is seven almost eight. 88 00:04:30.480 --> 00:04:32.440 And they're great. I like them a lot. 89 00:04:32.520 --> 00:04:36.280 I mean, I don't end up talking that much about them, 90 00:04:36.320 --> 00:04:38.839 and we like have some pretty strict rules about sort 91 00:04:38.839 --> 00:04:41.560 of putting things about them like up on the on 92 00:04:41.640 --> 00:04:42.719 the internet. 93 00:04:42.960 --> 00:04:45.880 Partly because I feel like that's their choice. 94 00:04:46.640 --> 00:04:48.240 And you know, when they were babies, it was a 95 00:04:48.279 --> 00:04:50.440 little easier to write about things like you know, my 96 00:04:50.560 --> 00:04:53.599 kid doesn't sleep through the night, and like this is 97 00:04:53.680 --> 00:04:55.920 you know, this is how we fed her choices, which 98 00:04:55.960 --> 00:04:58.440 feel more like they were about us, and like that 99 00:04:58.560 --> 00:05:01.400 was my story to share. And as they get older, 100 00:05:01.440 --> 00:05:03.440 I feel like the things about them are like more 101 00:05:03.480 --> 00:05:04.520 their stories. 102 00:05:05.000 --> 00:05:06.840 I will say that, like my daughter really likes. 103 00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:09.560 The violin that comes up sometimes on my kind of 104 00:05:09.560 --> 00:05:12.800 on my Instagram systems when I'm recording things. She's like 105 00:05:12.839 --> 00:05:15.320 in the background practicing. So that's like kind of her 106 00:05:15.960 --> 00:05:18.960 her thing. And my son really likes the hot glue gun. 107 00:05:20.120 --> 00:05:23.840 It's not as productive pursuit, but I can tell you 108 00:05:24.080 --> 00:05:28.880 that he has produced some pretty impressive art using glue lately. 109 00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:33.840 So that's an exciting development in our house. That's incredible. 110 00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:36.279 I last time I used a hot glupun, I burned 111 00:05:36.279 --> 00:05:37.400 myself really badly. 112 00:05:37.760 --> 00:05:40.000 Oh no, no, no, he also burns himself, just to 113 00:05:40.040 --> 00:05:40.440 be clear. 114 00:05:40.640 --> 00:05:42.200 But like you know, he's figured out this kind of 115 00:05:42.279 --> 00:05:46.440 amazing thing recently where he like fills the poppers in 116 00:05:46.560 --> 00:05:49.799 those like poppet fidgets, like fill those with hot glue 117 00:05:49.800 --> 00:05:51.320 and then pop them out, and then he has these 118 00:05:51.320 --> 00:05:51.880 like little. 119 00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:54.400 Hot glue things and he can glue those onto other things. 120 00:05:54.800 --> 00:05:56.120 Oh my god, that's genius. 121 00:05:56.600 --> 00:06:00.560 Yeah, genius is maybe a little strong, but it's it's 122 00:06:00.560 --> 00:06:01.799 a thing that you do with glue. 123 00:06:02.120 --> 00:06:04.479 For an year old boy, it's the thing exactly. 124 00:06:05.080 --> 00:06:05.400 Okay. 125 00:06:05.440 --> 00:06:08.000 So taking it back to the start, to do struggle 126 00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:09.640 to conceive what was that like for you? 127 00:06:10.480 --> 00:06:14.640 We did not you know, I came into conception thinking like, 128 00:06:14.720 --> 00:06:16.880 if I try hard, it will happen immediately. 129 00:06:17.320 --> 00:06:20.800 So it took like maybe six months, four months. 130 00:06:20.520 --> 00:06:23.680 So some amount of time that was not one month, which, 131 00:06:23.720 --> 00:06:27.719 of course at the time felt like everything was not working, 132 00:06:27.760 --> 00:06:31.080 but in fact was I think quite typical. And so 133 00:06:31.480 --> 00:06:33.600 we did not have a hard time getting pregnant actually 134 00:06:33.640 --> 00:06:35.360 with either with either kid. 135 00:06:36.279 --> 00:06:40.680 This question is phrased so well, it's did you like 136 00:06:40.760 --> 00:06:43.039 being pregnant or are you a sane person? 137 00:06:47.760 --> 00:06:50.520 That's yeah, I think of my I don't think of 138 00:06:50.560 --> 00:06:55.159 myself as the sane person, but just in general, I 139 00:06:55.200 --> 00:06:55.680 did not. 140 00:06:56.200 --> 00:06:57.440 Mind being pregnant. 141 00:06:57.560 --> 00:07:01.479 I had a very I think quite good draw on 142 00:07:01.760 --> 00:07:07.040 my experience of pregnancy with both kids. You know, I 143 00:07:07.080 --> 00:07:09.760 was a little bit sick, but not very sick. I 144 00:07:09.840 --> 00:07:12.800 was kind of tired at the end, but not very tired, 145 00:07:13.280 --> 00:07:16.600 And in general I think I had a good experience. 146 00:07:16.760 --> 00:07:19.240 I mean, I didn't love it. I'm not a person 147 00:07:19.240 --> 00:07:21.440 who's like, oh I miss being pregnant. I definitely don't 148 00:07:21.440 --> 00:07:24.120 miss being pregnant. But it also when we thought about 149 00:07:24.120 --> 00:07:27.440 getting pregnant again with the second kid, I wasn't like, oh, 150 00:07:27.480 --> 00:07:28.800 I can't believe I have to do that again, it 151 00:07:28.840 --> 00:07:30.800 was like, okay, that was fine, Like I can you 152 00:07:30.840 --> 00:07:32.800 know if it's like that again, that will be that 153 00:07:32.840 --> 00:07:33.480 will be okay. 154 00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:36.960 And how did you know you wanted two kids? 155 00:07:37.440 --> 00:07:41.560 I just knew it was just very clear having only 156 00:07:41.600 --> 00:07:43.720 one kid, like when we had the first kid, that 157 00:07:43.840 --> 00:07:46.160 like having a second kid was something that we wanted, 158 00:07:46.200 --> 00:07:48.040 like that we wanted we sort of envisioned a family 159 00:07:48.080 --> 00:07:49.520 that had two kids. 160 00:07:49.520 --> 00:07:50.400 That was what felt right. 161 00:07:50.440 --> 00:07:52.640 And sort of similarly, once we had a second kid, 162 00:07:53.080 --> 00:07:55.480 I don't think either Jesse or I like ever had 163 00:07:56.320 --> 00:07:58.400 a thought like maybe we should have a third like 164 00:07:58.440 --> 00:08:01.760 that's sort of never up before we had Finn, it 165 00:08:01.800 --> 00:08:03.680 was like we're not done. After we had Finn and 166 00:08:03.760 --> 00:08:05.480 was like, okay, now our family is like finished. 167 00:08:06.480 --> 00:08:08.240 When did you feel ready for Finn? 168 00:08:09.560 --> 00:08:15.160 So we had imagined having the kids like three years apart, 169 00:08:16.040 --> 00:08:18.400 and then when we sort of got to the point 170 00:08:18.520 --> 00:08:21.320 where one would need to conceive to like achieve that 171 00:08:21.760 --> 00:08:27.720 birth spacing, it was in this really really really challenging 172 00:08:27.840 --> 00:08:30.200 professional moment where I was like kind of right in 173 00:08:30.240 --> 00:08:33.360 the middle of being fired in a kind of a 174 00:08:33.679 --> 00:08:37.640 mean way, even worse than regular firing, I think, And 175 00:08:37.960 --> 00:08:39.959 you know, we were just like really stressed and trying 176 00:08:39.960 --> 00:08:42.120 to figure out what was going to be next and 177 00:08:42.360 --> 00:08:43.959 kind of where was I going to have a job 178 00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:45.000 and where was that job. 179 00:08:44.840 --> 00:08:46.440 Going to be, and what was Jesse going to do? 180 00:08:47.200 --> 00:08:50.480 And it did not feel in that moment like this 181 00:08:50.559 --> 00:08:55.280 is a good time to bring another thing in. So 182 00:08:55.320 --> 00:08:58.440 in the end we waited basically a year from that 183 00:08:58.520 --> 00:09:02.640 point and to like a moment that felt like things 184 00:09:02.679 --> 00:09:04.400 are more stable and now we are ready to kind 185 00:09:04.400 --> 00:09:06.679 of move forward and have another kid. 186 00:09:06.760 --> 00:09:08.600 So in the end, the kids are four years four 187 00:09:08.679 --> 00:09:09.319 years apart. 188 00:09:09.559 --> 00:09:10.760 I don't know if I would have felt in the 189 00:09:10.760 --> 00:09:13.240 absence of this this sort of professional stuff. 190 00:09:13.400 --> 00:09:14.839 I'm not sure if we would have done it. My 191 00:09:14.880 --> 00:09:15.280 guess is we. 192 00:09:15.240 --> 00:09:18.040 Would have done it somewhat earlier, But it ended up 193 00:09:18.080 --> 00:09:20.040 being I think a good like a good spacing. 194 00:09:22.320 --> 00:09:25.440 What's been the hardest stage of parenting for you so far? 195 00:09:27.480 --> 00:09:37.760 The period between about ten months and like three. 196 00:09:39.240 --> 00:09:41.560 You know, this kind of period where like. 197 00:09:41.520 --> 00:09:46.480 It's just physically so exhausting, and in particular before they 198 00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:51.120 can like really fully talk and communicate what they need. 199 00:09:51.679 --> 00:09:54.240 I found that to be very hard. 200 00:09:54.800 --> 00:09:57.800 Once there was a possibility to kind of find out 201 00:09:57.840 --> 00:09:59.240 what they needed, and when they could be a little 202 00:09:59.280 --> 00:10:01.439 more self suffici it got. 203 00:10:01.280 --> 00:10:02.080 A lot easier. 204 00:10:02.920 --> 00:10:04.640 And then you know, now like there are parts of 205 00:10:04.679 --> 00:10:09.920 parenting and adolescent that are it's not physically draining in 206 00:10:09.960 --> 00:10:12.000 in all the same way as you know little kid 207 00:10:12.080 --> 00:10:16.200 parenting was. It is like more emotionally draining in some ways, 208 00:10:16.280 --> 00:10:20.000 like I'm sort of more existentially worried, more frequently or 209 00:10:20.120 --> 00:10:22.680 more confused. With little kids, it was, it's sort of 210 00:10:23.000 --> 00:10:24.600 it's not like I thought I was doing the right 211 00:10:24.600 --> 00:10:27.760 thing all the time, but it was usually the case 212 00:10:27.800 --> 00:10:30.400 that I kind of thought, either it's not that important 213 00:10:30.440 --> 00:10:32.599 what we do here, it's not that important. 214 00:10:32.200 --> 00:10:35.800 What I say, or like this will pass. With older kids, 215 00:10:35.800 --> 00:10:36.320 it can more. 216 00:10:36.480 --> 00:10:38.440 It can feel more frequently like if I don't say 217 00:10:38.440 --> 00:10:40.800 the right thing here, that might be really bad in 218 00:10:40.840 --> 00:10:42.520 the kind of long term. But also I don't have 219 00:10:42.559 --> 00:10:45.360 any idea what to say, so. 220 00:10:45.240 --> 00:10:49.400 I'm just like a little lost. I'm more frequently lost. 221 00:10:50.080 --> 00:10:52.959 Was that the most surprising part of parenting adolescents? Or 222 00:10:53.040 --> 00:10:55.280 what has been unexpected for you? 223 00:10:56.200 --> 00:10:59.280 That has been a little unexpected? I mean, I think frankly, 224 00:10:59.280 --> 00:11:01.520 i'd forgotten about mood swings. I mean, now that I 225 00:11:01.559 --> 00:11:04.480 think about it I remember having them, but you know, 226 00:11:04.559 --> 00:11:09.839 the experience not dissimilar from sort of postpartum where you're 227 00:11:09.880 --> 00:11:12.040 just like one moment everything is great and the next 228 00:11:12.040 --> 00:11:16.440 moment you're crying for no reason, like I'd just forgotten 229 00:11:16.640 --> 00:11:19.559 that that like happens you know when you're when you're twelve, 230 00:11:19.600 --> 00:11:22.600 and like you're thirteen or whatever, and I just it's 231 00:11:22.840 --> 00:11:24.000 it's a lot. 232 00:11:24.440 --> 00:11:27.120 What is your favorite thing to do with your kids now? 233 00:11:27.600 --> 00:11:31.280 So I really like being with my kids, which is 234 00:11:31.320 --> 00:11:34.000 something that has become just more true over time. And 235 00:11:34.040 --> 00:11:37.120 so I think my favorite, I would say, is like 236 00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:39.360 one on one time. I mean, I love being altogether 237 00:11:39.440 --> 00:11:41.160 as a family, but the thing that sort of feels 238 00:11:41.160 --> 00:11:44.400 special is when we can find, you know, moments like 239 00:11:44.600 --> 00:11:46.839 occasionally pick my son up from school and like we'll 240 00:11:46.840 --> 00:11:49.880 walk to get a snack, and the experience of just 241 00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:52.880 having that focused time with like one kid where they 242 00:11:52.880 --> 00:11:55.760 can really like be themselves and tell you, like all 243 00:11:55.760 --> 00:11:57.280 the stuff that's happening with them, or all the things 244 00:11:57.320 --> 00:12:00.440 they're worried about or whatever, where you're not trying to 245 00:12:00.480 --> 00:12:04.079 accomplish something specific other than like get to the mini marked. 246 00:12:04.559 --> 00:12:05.679 That's really nice. 247 00:12:05.840 --> 00:12:08.439 That's hard time to cultivate, particularly with the older kid. 248 00:12:08.600 --> 00:12:10.480 But when we can get it, that's my favor. 249 00:12:12.040 --> 00:12:13.640 What do your kids say they want to be when 250 00:12:13.640 --> 00:12:14.160 they grow up. 251 00:12:15.440 --> 00:12:17.640 My daughter would like to be a therapist, which seems 252 00:12:17.720 --> 00:12:21.720 extremely realistic. She's already an excellent therapist. And my son 253 00:12:22.800 --> 00:12:26.679 would like to be a famous professional singer, which seems 254 00:12:27.040 --> 00:12:30.720 quite a lot less realistic as a plan, but he 255 00:12:30.760 --> 00:12:34.760 has some backups, like famous, chef, acrobat. There's a few 256 00:12:34.760 --> 00:12:37.720 different options we're considering, all of which are very practical 257 00:12:38.240 --> 00:12:41.080 and very famous, very famous, a lot of ways to 258 00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:42.520 be famous and also practical. 259 00:12:43.800 --> 00:12:45.760 What do they know about your career and what you do? 260 00:12:45.800 --> 00:12:48.160 How do you explain to them? 261 00:12:48.520 --> 00:12:50.920 I think they know something about it. 262 00:12:51.520 --> 00:12:52.880 I mean they've seen the books, they know that I 263 00:12:52.880 --> 00:12:55.040 write books, they know that I do some sort of 264 00:12:55.080 --> 00:12:56.240 public facing. 265 00:12:56.440 --> 00:12:58.360 Instagram, social stuff. 266 00:12:59.240 --> 00:13:02.080 They know about than newsletters, So they kind of know 267 00:13:02.240 --> 00:13:05.960 about things. And very occasionally someone will like recognize me 268 00:13:06.120 --> 00:13:08.840 when we're out in public, and then I think they 269 00:13:08.880 --> 00:13:11.800 get some sense that, like, I don't know some people 270 00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:14.040 know who I am, but it doesn't come up very much. 271 00:13:14.120 --> 00:13:15.960 I think one main thing about kids is like they're 272 00:13:15.960 --> 00:13:18.880 not that interested in you. They're like mostly interested in themselves, 273 00:13:19.200 --> 00:13:20.880 as it should be, and so I don't think they 274 00:13:20.920 --> 00:13:23.439 think very much about what my career is. You know, 275 00:13:23.480 --> 00:13:26.160 they understand like their dad has a job. He takes 276 00:13:26.160 --> 00:13:29.439 the train to his job, and like he does economics there, 277 00:13:29.440 --> 00:13:31.240 and they understand that, like I have a job and 278 00:13:32.080 --> 00:13:35.000 it seems to involve more Instagram than their dad's job. 279 00:13:35.080 --> 00:13:37.600 And that's like kind of about as much as they get. 280 00:13:38.840 --> 00:13:44.000 What's been your biggest parenting regret or lesson in hindsight 281 00:13:44.040 --> 00:13:45.800 from the point you're at now. 282 00:13:46.600 --> 00:13:50.520 It's interesting. I'm very happy with where things are. 283 00:13:52.160 --> 00:13:54.240 Like sort of going back and thinking like what would 284 00:13:54.240 --> 00:13:57.160 I have done totally differently is hard, you know when 285 00:13:57.160 --> 00:14:01.000 you're like basically think it's going out like okay. You know, 286 00:14:01.120 --> 00:14:05.280 I think, like almost everyone, I wish I had approached 287 00:14:05.320 --> 00:14:08.120 the first year of my first kid's life more like 288 00:14:08.160 --> 00:14:09.360 I approached the first year of. 289 00:14:09.320 --> 00:14:11.440 My second kid's life. 290 00:14:10.800 --> 00:14:16.000 Like I wish I had had less anxiety and just 291 00:14:16.080 --> 00:14:20.160 like less obsession about different things in that period. 292 00:14:21.360 --> 00:14:24.920 And you know, I think it was also like many people, they're. 293 00:14:24.600 --> 00:14:27.040 Like we had a lot of family conflict just because 294 00:14:27.080 --> 00:14:28.480 we didn't know what we were doing, and like we 295 00:14:28.560 --> 00:14:30.280 really cared about doing it right, but also we had 296 00:14:30.280 --> 00:14:32.120 no idea what that what that meant. 297 00:14:32.160 --> 00:14:33.880 And I think if we had had a sort of 298 00:14:34.360 --> 00:14:35.720 different approach to that. 299 00:14:36.080 --> 00:14:39.600 Period, it might have been easier. So that's probably the 300 00:14:39.640 --> 00:14:41.360 thing if I sort of the thing I think I 301 00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:44.320 would change if I had, if I had the opportion 302 00:14:44.480 --> 00:14:44.960 to go back. 303 00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:48.640 Can you describe a little more what the experience was 304 00:14:48.760 --> 00:14:51.160 like from your first to year second and that first. 305 00:14:51.000 --> 00:14:52.360 Year and how it was different for you. 306 00:14:53.880 --> 00:14:55.680 So I think there's there's a few things. So one 307 00:14:55.760 --> 00:14:58.119 is with my daughter, I really really struggled with breastfeeding. 308 00:14:58.280 --> 00:15:01.760 So it was like very I found very hard to do. 309 00:15:01.880 --> 00:15:03.840 Like I didn't have a lot of supply. 310 00:15:04.920 --> 00:15:05.640 I'm not sure we. 311 00:15:05.720 --> 00:15:10.760 Managed to supply quite right, and you know, she didn't 312 00:15:10.800 --> 00:15:12.280 really want to latch. 313 00:15:12.480 --> 00:15:15.040 There were like a bunch of sort of pretty standard problems. 314 00:15:15.760 --> 00:15:20.280 And instead of sort of stepping back and saying what 315 00:15:20.320 --> 00:15:22.160 I say to people all the time, which is like, 316 00:15:22.680 --> 00:15:24.080 you know, hey, like there's a lot of good ways 317 00:15:24.080 --> 00:15:25.800 to feed your baby, like sort of figure out what 318 00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:27.520 works for you. And I think if I had had 319 00:15:27.560 --> 00:15:29.640 that and been able to say, you know, here, we're 320 00:15:29.640 --> 00:15:31.360 going to kind of incorporate formula and here's sort of 321 00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:32.040 a plan. 322 00:15:31.880 --> 00:15:32.680 For how we're going to do it. 323 00:15:32.680 --> 00:15:37.560 I would have felt much more in control. Instead, I 324 00:15:37.800 --> 00:15:41.360 just was like obsessively obsessed with like making this work 325 00:15:41.720 --> 00:15:43.240 in a way that took. 326 00:15:43.080 --> 00:15:45.640 A huge amount of time, created a huge amount of stress. 327 00:15:45.280 --> 00:15:49.400 Made me feel really like guilty every time, I mean guilty, 328 00:15:49.480 --> 00:15:51.840 like just made me feel bad every time she had 329 00:15:51.840 --> 00:15:54.480 some formula, and I think that colored a lot of 330 00:15:54.480 --> 00:15:57.120 my experience of that. 331 00:15:58.400 --> 00:15:59.920 And so that was kind of one thing. 332 00:16:00.040 --> 00:16:01.960 And then you know, there are like sort of very 333 00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:05.280 specific examples, like my daughter slept in the rock and 334 00:16:05.280 --> 00:16:08.640 play sleeper for a while, like for naps, and at 335 00:16:08.680 --> 00:16:12.280 some point we like somewhat arbitrarily decided we would like 336 00:16:12.440 --> 00:16:15.680 just transition her out of that, like without really ever 337 00:16:15.760 --> 00:16:18.120 thinking about it, and we didn't really talk about it 338 00:16:18.200 --> 00:16:21.160 or kind of agree on exactly how we were going 339 00:16:21.240 --> 00:16:21.840 to approach this. 340 00:16:22.280 --> 00:16:24.240 And so then there was like this horrible. 341 00:16:23.880 --> 00:16:26.200 Day where like she did nap at all, and I 342 00:16:26.280 --> 00:16:29.360 remember just how angry we both were at the other person. 343 00:16:30.080 --> 00:16:31.240 And there were a bunch of things like. 344 00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:34.000 That where I don't think they were very important, they 345 00:16:34.040 --> 00:16:37.080 felt incredibly important at the time, and we didn't really 346 00:16:37.080 --> 00:16:39.400 have a good system for kind of approaching them as 347 00:16:39.440 --> 00:16:42.560 a team, and I think the second kid was much 348 00:16:42.640 --> 00:16:44.440 more like, we know what we're trying to do. We're 349 00:16:44.440 --> 00:16:47.800 like dialing this in to like the kind of system 350 00:16:47.800 --> 00:16:51.360 that we have already, and we're going to know which 351 00:16:51.360 --> 00:16:53.120 things to focus on, and we're going to kind of 352 00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:55.040 make a plan. And it was just it just felt 353 00:16:55.120 --> 00:16:56.880 much more like we were trying to do as do 354 00:16:56.920 --> 00:16:59.440 it as a team. And he was a much easier baby, 355 00:16:59.480 --> 00:17:00.320 Which is the thing. 356 00:17:01.040 --> 00:17:06.679 Are there things that were harder or very different about your. 357 00:17:06.560 --> 00:17:10.520 Second Yeah, so as that's actually as. 358 00:17:10.359 --> 00:17:13.439 A baby, Finn was like perfect, Like it was like 359 00:17:13.480 --> 00:17:15.560 he was sleep trained in one night, Like you know, 360 00:17:15.600 --> 00:17:17.800 he was like everything about him, he was like such 361 00:17:17.800 --> 00:17:19.439 an easy baby. 362 00:17:20.800 --> 00:17:27.320 As a toddler and older child, it was not as easy. 363 00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:31.960 You know, my daughter is like very interested in. 364 00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:33.160 Not doing the wrong thing. 365 00:17:33.720 --> 00:17:38.359 Like her, she's like very motivated by she just like 366 00:17:38.400 --> 00:17:40.240 wants to do the right thing. And so she's like 367 00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:44.280 very susceptible, very like responsive to any type of discipline 368 00:17:44.320 --> 00:17:46.240 at all, you know, and was as a little kid 369 00:17:46.280 --> 00:17:48.600 in particular, like you sort of say no, like don't 370 00:17:48.600 --> 00:17:51.040 touch the stove, she just like would never do that again. 371 00:17:51.480 --> 00:17:53.240 My son was like the opposite, we don't touch his tove. 372 00:17:53.280 --> 00:17:56.160 You'd be like, eh, so what I'm hearing is touch 373 00:17:56.200 --> 00:17:58.800 and try it out, you know. And so there was 374 00:17:58.880 --> 00:18:01.640 kind of a pretty steep sort of learning curve moment 375 00:18:01.680 --> 00:18:04.400 where we were kind of applying a set of sort 376 00:18:04.440 --> 00:18:07.960 of organized discipline tools, like not organized, just a set 377 00:18:07.960 --> 00:18:11.440 of like ideas about approaches to to sort of discipline 378 00:18:11.440 --> 00:18:14.040 which worked fine for someone who like kind of never 379 00:18:14.080 --> 00:18:16.719 did anything wrong or when you said please don't do that, 380 00:18:16.760 --> 00:18:18.480 they were like, oh, I feel so terrible, I'll never 381 00:18:18.520 --> 00:18:19.000 do it again. 382 00:18:19.240 --> 00:18:21.399 We sort of tried to apply that to him. It 383 00:18:21.440 --> 00:18:22.080 didn't work at all. 384 00:18:22.119 --> 00:18:24.840 And that was one of the main things I learned 385 00:18:24.840 --> 00:18:27.480 writing cribsheet was about some of these like sort of 386 00:18:27.560 --> 00:18:31.000 approaches to discipline. There's like the one, two three magic 387 00:18:31.040 --> 00:18:33.000 kind of approach which worked much better with him than 388 00:18:33.760 --> 00:18:35.840 then with her and kind of smooth smooth things out 389 00:18:35.880 --> 00:18:37.879 a little. But that was he was easy as a baby, 390 00:18:37.920 --> 00:18:40.880 and then he got he got a little more challenging. 391 00:18:41.880 --> 00:18:46.240 What are some of your parenting or like family rituals? Now, 392 00:18:47.040 --> 00:18:49.760 are there things that you do during the week or 393 00:18:49.800 --> 00:18:55.320 the day that feel like important moments and parenting for you. 394 00:18:55.680 --> 00:18:57.760 We both have jobs, we both have like the kids 395 00:18:57.840 --> 00:18:58.880 go to school all day, so. 396 00:18:58.800 --> 00:19:01.240 Like the morning is just like a like although we're 397 00:19:01.280 --> 00:19:03.520 together in the morning, it's like everyone's trying to like 398 00:19:03.520 --> 00:19:05.480 get out the door as quickly as possible. 399 00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:07.359 When we go. 400 00:19:07.280 --> 00:19:08.880 Towards the end of the day. That's kind of our 401 00:19:08.960 --> 00:19:11.959